bhaavapatrika

2008-07-21T09:36:00.002+10:00

And so it goes,the days of our lives.
Not that I see this daytime soap,just caught the end lines before the news,which I do see.I like it,it has a sense of something narrative,as if someone else is watching us ,live out our lives.

"Sugamana vedanai enbadu edu?"-A question for ARRahman.
"Naam vaazhum inda vaazhakai thaan!"

Liked this one,too.
Everyday,every minute we spend out the days given to us as grace.What are we looking for?Money which can bring comforts?If so,what are those comforts?Does it not wary from each individual to the other?I pondered over this as I walked down today from the school after seeing off my kid.It is the start of term 3 and she was happy,to be in her element which is to make fun and play all day long.Lessons are blended with the games.
How I wish I could be a kid with her,be her friend and play with her in her school and learn from her teacher.I try to imagine what it would be like.Nice dreams,but then,who will feed or clothe or do htose hundred little things mothers do day in and day out?Even at sleep,I find I am worried if she has pulled her blanket off and check for it;worried if she has tumbled over the far end and hurt herself,worried she will feel left out if I don't put my arm around her,worried if she had eaten enough for dinner,worried whether it is nutritious enough,and so on.The biggest worry I can come up with is that whether I am bringing her up well,whether I am a good example for her.It is so hard to be a parent.I would like to give her all that she needs,but also am tempeted by giving her all that she wants.I am worried whether I am forcing what I know to be right upon her and not letting her make her own decisions.But then,I go thinking 'she is too young to know what is good for her'.Then,at what stage should I start cutting away the threads that have bound me to her so tightly from the time she was just a small cell in my womb.Tough,that's all I can say.To each his own,it is an experience to be had to understand,a lesson in life.
What is right and what is wrong?That itself is a conundrum.Argubly,here is where religion comes in.I was surprised and happy to see some 400,000 odd people singing and swaying as one at the recently concluded World Youth Day in Sydney.The live telecast enabled me to watch as the Pope held sunday Mass for such a huge congregation.Worthy flock of the Lord,I would say.Good thing to have religion as a means to support,comfort and answer the confused riddles of everyday life and why life in general is besetted by sorrow.
As personal milestones,we have had a wonderful 8 years together and hope for more happy years to come.We have had our fights,big and small but find that we cannot live without each other.Well,that's marriage for you.Then,we had our kid turning 6,she was pretty happy at that,knowing it to be a bigger number than 5,thereby making it all the more important!!
She was particularly insightful this Friday. After perusing the pictures of clamouring children and their hapless father,she declared,"Lucky,I am the only one.I don't have to share you or appa with anyone else.I can always get a hug or kiss!"
Here is a little story:
Old man Yun lives in a small village near the mountains in China.He has a son and a horse.One day,the horse runs away.The neighbours and villagers say to him,"What bad luck,your only horse has run away.How will you plough your fields now?"
Yun replies,"Bad luck,good luck who knows?"
The horse comes back a few months later with a horde of wild horses.Now he has six strong horses.The villagers say,"What good luck!"Yun says,"Good luck,bad luck who knows!"
His young son helps to tame them.While doing so,one of the horses kicks out upon his leg and breaks it.The villagers come and say,"Bad luck,now your young son has broken his leg.Who will help you now?"
Yun replies,"Bad luck,good luck who knows!"
A big war comes on.The soldiers of the king come and take away all the helathy young men of the village for the army.They take one look at Yun's son's broken leg and leave him there.
Yun says,"good luck,bad luck who knows!"
Good Luck,Bad luck who knows..;)

Satisfied,eh?

2008-06-16T10:31:00.000+10:00

1) Last movie you saw in a theatre?
Sivaji(twice,same theatre,two simulataneous days!!)
2) What book are you reading?
Colin Powell-A soldier's story.
3) Favorite board game?
Does pallanguzhi count as one?
4) Favorite magazine?
Reader's Digest
5) Favorite smells?
cooking smells,My baby after bath,my husband after work;)
6) Favorite thing to do in weekend?
Cooking,DVDs with hubby
7) Worst feeling in the world?
Somebody scolding me for a work I had thought well done!!
8)What is the first thing you think of when u wakeup?
What to pack for lunch today!
9) Favorite fast food place?
Used to be Hot Chips,Ashok Nagar in my school days.Nowadays,any joint would do,I am starved for good food here:(
10) Future child’s name?
Not having any more..;)
11) Finish this statement --- 'If I had a lot of money
"I will spend the rest of my life travelling."
12) Do you drive fast?
No,I am perfectly happy at 30kmph.
13) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No.
14) Storms -- Cool or Scary?
Cool
15) What was your first car?
In the process.
16) Favorite drink?
Plain,cold water..sometimes,hot ginger tea
17) Finish this statement --- If I had the time I would...
Do nothing more. I already have all the time and more..
18) Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Always,cook them up so that nobody recognizes them as stems anymore..;)
19) If you could dye your hair any other color, what would be your choice?
Deep maroonish brown
20) Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in?Kumbakonam,Chennai,Bangalore,Bhopal,Nagpur,Delhi,Canberra.
21) Favorite sports to watch?
Cricket,now caught on with tennis
22) One information about the person who sent this to you?
Poorni-a lovely,lovely girl
23) What’s under your bed?
Two odd socks,my kid's teddy,my husband's late night papers and... I wudn't tell u that!!
24) Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Yes,a much improved version of me.
25) Morning person or night owl?Morning..I will wake up and immediately take a bath.And,I do love the smell of incense in the morning and the smoky shapes spiralling in my kitchen and living room.
26) Over easy or sunny side up?
I didn't get it either!
27) Favorite place to relax?
My husband's shoulders
28) Favorite pie?
Whats that?
29) Favorite ice cream flavor?
Cassatta
30) Of all the people you have tagged, who is the most likely to respond first?
Taggin no one..sorry,:)

Hinduism:facts

2007-06-27T08:28:00.000+10:00

In an agreement regarding land division,two Egyptian kings had signed a papyrus scroll calling 'mitra varuna' as witnesses.The date is circa 1300B.C.

Mitra and Varuna are gods mentioned in the Vedas

2. People in Madagascar,an island south east to the African continent speak a language that is comprised of 75% sanskrit words.

Sanskrit is considered to be the mother of all european languages,some deem it a sister language to Latin.

3. During the time of Navratri,a festival ,celebrated in parts of Mexico is called 'RamSita'.Several idols of Vinayaga have also been unearthed here.

4.In Peru,a period of Sun worship is undertaken corresponding to our 'Vishu Punyakala'.The people there were called Incas.

The sun is referred to as Inan in the Vedas.

5.Aboriginal tribes in Australia have a traditional dance at the start of seasons.It is called the 'Siva'. A third eye is painted upon the foreheads of the dancers.

6.In a plaque discovered in Borneo,it says of a king that 'he performed this yagna,he planted this sthambam,he gave daana to Brahmans'

7. A festival is observed in Thailand,in the month of Margazhi called 'tripavai,triyampavai'.

SourceHinduMahaSamudram By Cho.

Cogitative

2007-06-26T09:24:00.000+10:00

A lot many things ,events big and small have sparked tiny bulbs in my neurons.Essentially,all of them can be classified as being emotional in character.I am philosophical by nature and for someone who sees God's doing in the relatively mundane aspects of daily life too,it came as no big surprise that someone dear should sustain a nasty fall just by standing,someone known to us should suffer the agony of having a premature baby in danger of losing one tiny arm,someone close should move away to the other end of the town and someone be so placed in the order of things that they should come by chance to my city and have their kid in my kid's preschool and talk to me about religion,philosophy and meditation.
Many people I have met,talked to,formed an opinion about,etc just do things because they are supposed to do them.That is,they would rather do something else and unfortunately,they cannot possibly alter the scheme of their lives.More specifically,of their jobs,their relationships,their perspectives,everything.Is this humdrum karmic in essence?Is there nothing in the world as such that can be enjoyed,done for the only sake of feeling joy?Even in helping others,some people think they ought to be happy,or ought to feel satisfied at having fulfilled their altruist cravings.
I feel now,at this point of my life as standing sideways and seeing the world,my life,other's lives move by at such an astonishing speed that it makes my eyes water and my senses confused.'One day at a time 'has always been my motto.And in that one day,I find myself let the moments slip by,not unnoticed.I make a mental count of the minutes that are moving past me,like the countdown in a microwave.I do a lot of things,household work,entertainment,hobbies,playing with my kid,making lunch,eating,conversing,laughing but at times I feel someone else is doing this and I am watching this person critically.
Then,here comes the big Q-who am I ,the person in the sidelines or the person doing the work?
Maybe,in course of time and before the end of my days,I will get my answer.Another thought:the end of days.We all come numbered,with an invisible stamp upon us.Till that time,shouldn't we just enjoy ourselves,drink in the beauty of nature,revel in love and laughter and flit away like a butterfly,light and colourful?To what point is the worry,tension,care,hate,anger?Or in afterthought,leave a mark in history books?
This is a direct reflection of my conflicting thoughts.But what are my thoughts..formulated since birth by my upbringing,the experiences and trials undergone,crafted and moulded bu the things I hear,see and read?
A dire and dreary post..which is not me or probably is.
I would like to be cheerful and happy,smiling always and leaving just love everywhere.Let everyone say her fragrance was laughter and her essence always,love.
But I have miles to go..before I sleep.

Being a kid

2007-06-04T11:02:00.000+10:00

Last week news and the latest update..
Well,what's with me is what's with everybody else..normal routine where minutes melt into hours and then days and weeks and months and so time keeps slipping past,fast.There are some moments when you stop and try to hold on,get a grip and actually try to find out what is going on and there are others too,when you just let go and let yourself be drawn into the inevitable grand stream that is life.
I am trying to keep track of time and events,may be as such in a month or so.I intend this to become a habit,so that when I am finally 50 or so I can look back and remember tiny events,a smile here,a tear there,a warm moment of friendship here and an absolutely stunning revelation of love there,and so on.
So..
I spent a day,actually three hours at my daughter's preschool.As cliche' it was wonderful as I tried to think as the twenty-odd kids that assembled for three days a week at a common place called the preschool and did things generally.Which specifically mean playtime,activity time which means the same,snack time,outside play time,lunch time,activity time,story time and there goes the bell.I compared each moment of this allocation of periods with the ones back in India-Maths,English,Social Studies,Tamil,Moral studies,Science,PT,etc.The same age but what a difference it makes to the final shaping of the child's ability to develop individuality and confidence rather than fierce unhealthy competitions to be first always and memorising huge data without really understanding why.
Example-my kid was learning arithmetic.Starting from 1+2=3,she asked me what the plus is for.When told it is for addition,she wanted to know why we had to add.To learn numbers and counting and so on,I said and then she asked as to why we had to learn all this at all.Seems a kind of free spirit.I had no answers and try as I might,I really don't find the purpose of it all.
Well,back to my time as a preschooler,I sat on a tiny chair and just generally observed as the kids did what they wanted but with a regulation.Some painted,some built castles.Some played at picnics,some were pasting cut pictures of healthy food on their activity books.After a lesson on our digestion process in which the teacher tore up bits of toast,poured down some jusice and some mashed fruit into a pair of tied socks to show how the food goes down the foodpipe into the stomach and thrrough the intestines till the time when you want to go to the toilet.This actually started off a series of going to toilet and talks about what happenned when they ate something and had tummy ache and had to go to the toilet.Funny how kids see it.
There was a special smile and an extra skip in my child's pace that day.This,I would treasure for life.
Now,as I plan her fifth birthday party and as she tells me what to make and how to decorate and what cake she wants and also about the theatre visit to see Shrek3 on the following day to celebrate her birthday,she asked me a profound question-Why do her dad and I celebrate her birthday? I explain that she is God's gift to us and we are so happy to have her in our lives that we want to share this happiness with others on her special day.She sat quiet for a few seconds,thinking God knows what but then ran away after giving me a kiss.This,too I would value more than any riches I may yet have.

Succumbed to vanity

2007-06-04T10:29:00.000+10:00

Finally,after weeks of internet problems and viruses that threatened total obliteration of our much-loved music,art and movie files,we have triumphed.
Fireworks and applause please..here we burst on the karoake scene..the two of us,attempting solos and duets and whatever else may catch our fancy.
Continue your much-treasured support..
Naadam engal jeevane..

Medley

2007-05-01T09:16:00.000+10:00

Welcome everyone...hope everything in your lives are moving as smoothly and as sweetly as melted honey on icecream..does my hyperbole suggest an insight..keep guessing,u will know shortly..!!
Well then,back again from my roots..back to my life..the routine ..I can't complain at all..as the green,cold vistas of Canberra gathered me closely into their arms and have given me a certain peace..whatever you do,wherever you go..it is a special pleasure to be in your own place..to do whatever you want without being scrutinised and evaluated..
I am glad to note in my latest visit that India has definitely changed for the better..there are the same roads,the same cows on the roads,the inanely stupid traffic,people crossing at will whether they be walking,riding a cycle,scooter or bus or car or lorry or the inevitable 'meenbadi's.. and autos have a different say..altogether they gave me many a frightening moment as I tried hard to remember myself riding on these roads few years earlier..whew!!There are the same problems but I see a subtle change in how our people accept and adapt themselves to this madness and try to create some order..atleast personally.The shops have grown in size and Usamn Road is more choked than ever..I imagine this street and the one perpendicular to it..the notorious Renganathan street to have voices ..that moan and groan and finally die away to the sheer cacophony and the warbled melody of shopping,shopping and more shopping..Glad to say I just passed by and wondered at how this many people could fine this many things to buy and how this many money is being spent..actually,the truth is thatwhen you take a stroll from Nalli100 to the other end culminating in Tnagar bus stand,you do end up buying small and big things you actually don't need at all and would find no use for it even in the far distant future!!But I do agree it is therapy all right..:)
Then,about the wonderful time my daughter had with her grandparents at both sides,her all-time favorite chithi and how she made a lot of friends and left a string of broken hearts and weeps back home when she boarded the flight and how she kept mumbling even in her sleep that she wanted to be in India..are to be recorded for posterity.Now that she has started school,her daily demand that she be taken to India immediately (some 1000 times a day..no exaggeration here,God Promise!!)has fallen to about 100.
Then..what else?hm.a cousin per on each side got engaged,congrats..one cousin is nearing delivery time,goodluck..must mention saw all my mom's side cousins this time..usually miss out becoz of college,etc..
Read a good book "Crescent" by Laurie Devine..a story of four friends in Beirut,Lebanon..compelling and sad..learnt much about the centuries-old war that still threatens new generations in the name of religion..side reads..a couple of RDs..
Movies..paruthiveeran,manalane mangayar bagyam,mangayar ullam mangada selvam,micheal madanakaamaraajan,charlie chaplin's the kid and the circus..
Weather..a drastic change from hot,sweltering sunny Chennai to cold,wet,rainy and chilly CBR..now it is ok..a bit of sun..I did prefer the heat for I caught a bad head cold and am suffering to get better by drinking endless cups of gingertea,having hourly vapour infusions,steaming my face and ears off,gargling..manjal milagu milk and poondu rasam!!
Sports..can't say I am glad that Aussies are bringing home the cup for the third year in a row..hope atleast now we can be cured of the malady that is Indian cricket or find a panacea for all its problems..
On the farewell note..keep smiling..each day brings something special..each day you can learn something,you can give something..keep your eyes peled out for counting the good that keeps happenning..all around you..for you..
Adios Amigos..till we meet again..

Love..always

2007-02-14T09:59:00.000+11:00

When do you know you are in love..physical changes like flutters,tongueslips,jelly knees,sweat apart..what really shows that you love a person..beyond the boundaries of everything..and when does that fisrt knowledge hit you..a spark that ignites in ur mind..this poese struck me at some level..and I liked it..liked the feeling it brought..Happy valentine's day..spread the love..:)

Answers..

2007-02-14T09:41:00.000+11:00

It was beautiful yesterday..a breezy day..kind of which makes you feel all romantic and dreamy..not that it was special,for me all days are like that..;).My kid has started preschool..(regular school at last..) or kindergarten..kind of late by our standards,but then I firmly do believe that education,learning and knowledge do not follow strict curriculums..her school is a delightful,red brick building attaches to the larger primary school,an exact 10 minute walk from our home with a bit of a climb on a long winding road dotted regularly with the inevitable 'white gums' or 'ghost gums' as they are commonly called in Australia..(our good old eucalyptus,in fact!!)..the air was pure and it did something to my insides as I walked slowly,drinking in the calm beauty around me..these trees that swish and whisper their secrets to me, the lone walker..or maybe laugh at the punity of my race..seeking forever to unravel the mysteries of nature..the endless blue sky,interspersed with cottony white clouds with their ever-changing faces,taunting me to guess their true form..the grass that crunches beneath my heavy feet that seem to disturb the tranquil world of ants that scurry about to maybe,voice their displeasure at being interrupted in their interesting work..the wind,the land,the sky..the vastness becalmed my inquisitive spirit and answered my doubts..about wars,global warming,greed,rapid extinction of flora and fauna..the general pettiness and helplessness of it all...don't worry,they seem to say..we are there and we will be there always..long after you have gone..and we will right the world..it is just the way things will be and if destruction is the key to revival,u stand in the bylines and don't fret about it..
I then felt at complete peace..with myself,with the world..for I knew that mother Earth will take care of herself..

Welcome..

2007-01-02T09:27:00.000+11:00

Another year..another age
Time..steadfast and simple..
Moves on..threading her way across eons..eras..

Wishing you a very happy new year..where all your dreams are fulfilled
your good thoughts are actually done
your happiness stays with you like a good friend
your resolutions are resolved..
and your smile remains with you each second,each minute,each day of this wonderful year...
May love sustain,enrich,enliven and purport meaning to your life..

Happy Days..:)

Bharathi-125

2006-12-20T09:17:00.000+11:00

"Kanakunjchelvamum nooru vayadum enakku thaa"
The poet had always asked this of his gods..for all his 39 years and in his extreme poverty till then..
Yet,in the unscrutable way of the power above,he was granted those two wishes..that of never-ending wealth..of words,of immortal fame and that of eternal life..For he is synonymous with a rich and undying language that has withstood the onslaught of centuries and has been and perhaps is,the oldest language known to Mankind.
Be it any form of literary output..the verse,soliloquoy,song,ode,sonnet,novel,short story,essay,article,review,drama..why even stirring obituaries..You name it,he has done it.He is thus,a textbook ..
This year marks his 125th birth anniversary.His works have stood the test of time.
He remains the symbol of tamil poetry,though there were many illustrious before and after him.He is the fire,the passion,the fervour,the faith..what fitting homage can we,ordinary mortals pay to Bharathi..
He transcended religion,to him God was someone to talk to..as a friend,a lover..even a servant.His idealogies of Islam and of Christ were all-encompassing and did not seek to either glorify or villify,rather emphasising the real nature of What religion should mean to Man..as a guiding force..as a strong pillar.
A visionary,a poet,the man..Subramania Bharathi.

Been Away Sooo LONG..

2006-12-11T09:26:00.000+11:00

I am scandalised,shocked and deeply ashamed..at my own laziness..;)
Sorry Folks..if you have been checking out my blog for new posts everyday..
Although it would not be particularly interesting,I proceed ..for I have a varied lot of things to relate..

Well,let me keep you all abreast at what is happenning here that has kept me so far from my passion..
Last month was perfectly horrid,what with me coming down with a particularly virulent form of measles..yep,me..at this age..(a shudder!)..one should never get measles at an older age..was in bed a full two weeks,times alternating between being extremely bored to extremely painful..I must make special mention of my ever-patient husband here..He was the model nurse and cared with especial tenderness..I was in the dumps and he always cheered me up..Thank Ye,God for giving me him..:)
And then,just I was recovering,I caught the 'Madras eye'..how did I ever catch it in Canberra..I will never know..perhaps my immune was at the lowest..so off with lenses for three days..spent in a fuzzy world bordering on foggy shapes and relying on my sharper audal senses..
Now I am perfectly well and happy at home and heart..with a great news that a new addition is to be made in the following months to my family..am fairly jumping up and down in perfect hilarity and making elaborately huge plans for this and that..here and there..spending each moment of my wakefulness and of my sleep..thinking about it..!!
That on the personal front..I noe need to relate two different incidents which actually defied my initial perception of people and stood to confirm the old adage that looks really don't count..both happenned on the same day..at the shopping mall.
Incident number one
A ver sweet,little old lady with a flowered gown and a wrinkled yet smily face was making her christmas purchases..she seemed to pick up each item with care,decide who it should go to and place the gift-to-be in her cart with a smile.It was a joy watching her as I sat drinking my cold Latte in one of the benches in the shop.It was an effort for her to push the trolley but she didn't seem to mind.I was startled suddenly by a huge man,with tattoos all over his arms..he had seated himself beside me and was just finishing off the can of beer he had ..he looked every inch of the rough life he must be leading..with not-so good clothes and unkempt hair..I got up suddenly and made my way hastily across to the other end of the shop and currently forgot all about the big ,bad guy and the sweet ,old lady in the course of my shopping.
My,Wasn't I surprised to find the guy standing with the grandma with her trolley,now fully laden..she was talking away dime a dozen with him and he was laughing at what she was saying about her children and grandchildren..
That big bad guy transformed before my very eyes..like Shallow Hal..I could see the tender spot in his heart which made him lend a hand to this old lady,who had probably reminded him of his grandmother..or had him wistfully wishing she was so..
He made my day..a very pleasant,sunny feeling remained with me for the rest of it..

Incident number two
Three teenage girls,all giggly but trying to look sophisticated and worldy were trying on the various earrings and necklaces at DIVa..a knickknack store we ladies love to frequent..They were all young,looked hardly out of school and were talking funny..no swearing but it just the way they talk..made me afraid of what my kid wuld learn..one of them had icecream or something smeared on the backside of her pants and her two 'friends' were amusing themselves over it whenever she turned her back.I had been watching for some time and was about to go over to her when an older lady,again another grandma called her up and handed her a tissue to wipe the mess off.And slowly walked back to her friends and told them that 'it's no way to treat a friend'..many people just don't care what happens to others,the world has become so fast,so selfish..each is interested in only how things might affect them personally..

So,it was actually refreshing and resassuring to see some beautiful people still do care and thus make this world enriching by their small,yet significant deeds..and words..and thoughts..

Padithadhil bhaadhiththadu..

2006-11-02T10:13:00.000+11:00

Irom Sharmila Saanu..have you heard of her?She is from Manipur,one of the north eastern states of India.This part of our country has largely remained obscure..we know the names of the states from our geography lessons and our knowledge ends there..Well,this woman has been on indefinite fast,protesting against an Act of the Indian government(Armed Forces Special Power Act,1958) which gave arresting,torturing and shooting rights to the military for whomsoever it suspected of indulging in terrorist activities.Since the year 2000..yes,for six whole years,she has been protesting against the indifferent and callous attitude of the government which casually dismissed the shooting of 20 innocent youth as 'goats caught in the fire for wolves'..She had been placed under arrest and forcibly fed through nasal tubes but no morsel has passed her mouth these years.She was released on October 2,2006 and she went to Delhi,paid homage at Mahatma's samadhi and again took up her fast,opposite Jantar Mantar.She is being held under arrest at AIMMs now and doctors do not guarantee her health.Her vital signs are fast drowning but she resolutely refuses to give up.Though she is being fed vitamins,minerals and protein in liquid form through IV,her bones have deteriorated and she can only crawl along now.
When asked about her obstinancy,she says quietly,"I do not favor terrorism nor am I against the government.I am against the slaying of innocents under this act..
To protest against the unlawful detainment,brutal rape and murder of Manorama devi by the army,our women..of the land where they think no one except their husbands should see them..came out nude onto the streets..what anger,what anguish they must have felt?Mine is not even a tenth to that.."

Defence minister Pranab Mukherjee,has refused to revoke the act saying it will be detrimental to India's peace situation.

Deepavali 2006

2006-11-02T09:15:00.000+11:00

The Australian Tamil Cultural Association of Canberra had organised yet another get-together for celebrating Deepavali this year.Actually,such functions do take away the edge of homesickness that comes visiting,especially during festival time.Rather than fleetingly dubbed as 'time-pass',it is a genuine effort to bring together people and have fun.This year was hallmarked by a candle dance,of pattu-puduvai clad tamil mamis..(shud I say something else..;))holding small candles in their hands and dancing light but graceful steps to "tham thanaana tham"( here,I announce prizes for those guessing the film's name!!)There was a tamizh arivu potti-vinadi vina ..and I surprised myself by getting the prize..and surprised myself again by shaking from head to toe whilst singing so much so that my voice sounded as if I were standing in 4 feet snow with swirling chilly winds around me!!A fiasco..but then,there can be only one good thing happening,u always can't ask for more..My husband,as usual was his cool self and sang quite well and remarked later that he was glad he didn't choose a duet this time..:((I am quite determined to prove him wrong next time around!!)The function was hosted by Nissar,lately of Crescent..(ram,RC..anybody know him?)..a fine example of secularism..and we heartily wished him IdMubarak..
And good food,from various homes..sometimes though it gets quite heavy to have 8 different varities of sweets..had to go calorie-counting..
well..don't know if we will have a similar fete for Pongal..but then,looking forward to it..

Gone are the days!!!

2006-11-02T08:54:00.000+11:00

A Fwd..that rewinded me at top speed and left sweet memories..
Gone are the days!!!
When ..
The school reopened in June,
And we settled in our new desks and benches!
When we queued up in book depot,
And got our new books and notes!
When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays,
Yet managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.
We learnt writing with slates and pencils, and
Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!
When we began drawing with crayons and evolved
to Color pencils and finally sketch pens!
When we started calculating
first with tables and then with
Clarke's tables and advanced to
calculators and computers!
When we chased one another in the
corridors in Intervals, and returned to the classrooms
Drenched in sweat!
When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors, Playgrounds,
under the trees and even in cycle sheds!
When all the colors in the world,
decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!
When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table,
Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!
When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,
And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!
When few played
"kabadi" and "Kho-Kho" in scorching sun,
While others simply played "book cricket" in the
Confines of classroom!
Of fights but no conspiracies,
Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!
When we used to
watch Live Cricket telecast,
In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!
When few rushed at 3:45 to
"Conquer" window seats in our School bus!
While few others had "Big Fun", "peppermint" ,
"kulfi", " milk ice !" and "sharbat !" at 4o Clock!
Gone are the days ..
Of Sports Day, and the annual School Day ,
And the one-month long preparations for them.
Gone are the days
of the stressful Quarterly Half Yearly and Annual Exams,
And the most enjoyed holidays after them!
Gone are the days
Of tenth and twelfth standards,
When we Spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!
We learnt,
We enjoyed,
We played,
We won,
We lost,
We laughed,
We cried,
We fought,
We thought.
With so much fun in them, so many friends,
So much experience, all this and more!
Gone are the days
When we used
to talk for hours with our friends!
Now we don't even have time to say a 'Hi'!
Gone are the days
When we played games on the road!
Now we
Code on the road with laptop!
Gone are the days
When we saw stars
Shining at Night!
Now we see stars when our code doesn't
Work!
Gone are the days
When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!
Now we chat in chat rooms.....!
Gone are the days
Where we
studied just to pass!
Now we study to save our job!
Gone are the days
Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!
Now we have the atm as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!
Gone are the days
Where we shouted on the road!
Now we don't shout even at home
Gone are the days
Where we got lectures from all!
Now we give lectures to all... like the one I'm doing now....!!
Gone are the days
But not the memories, which will be
Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and
Ever and ever and ever .....

Gone are the Days! But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!

NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE ,

DONT FORGET TO

LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL

EXISTS

..in search of..

2006-11-01T10:18:00.000+11:00

"Polla vinaiyen pugazhumaaru onrariyen
pullagi poodai puzhuvai maramaagi
palvirugamaagi paravayaai paambaagi
kallai manidarai peyai ganangal aagi
vallasuraraagi munivarai devarai
sella ninra ithaavara sangamathul.."(Mr.Darwin..u should have read Tamil..)

So many forms I must wear.. So many lives I must bear..

"notren pal piravi ninnai kaanbador aasayinaal"

I'm just a man
Imperfect lowly
How can I reach for
Something holy

The spiritual impact of tamil verses with music was stupendous..At some level,Ilayaraja must have reached divine consciousness himself to be able to perfectly imbibe a part of it into his music,and through it ..into us..

Hmm..interesting..

2006-10-31T13:14:00.000+11:00

There is a village called Ilavatamkal..somewhere in the Pazhani-Dindigul side,in South Tamilnadu.It seems that eligible boys wishing to get married to the girls of that village have to show their prowess for marriage..
In early times,say some 600 years back..it had been a common practice to fight a tiger and bring back its teeth,which was then made into the thaali..for the mara tamizhachi to wear and show off her brave husband..such tests were not uncommon in Sangakaalam and many a mention of 'veeradheera saagasangal' by men to win the hearts of their loves are present in the rich literature and lore of Tamilnadu.Our women were not weaklings themselves..murathaal puligalai thurathiyavargal aaayitre..
Well,coming back to the present..or not so present..in this particular village,the boy wishing to be a maapillai of the village should lift a huge rockwhich is being kept for the very purpose,in the outskirts..to show his strength(now I know from wherein Bharathiraaja got the idea..!!!)above his head.Then,after a few generations,it was decreed that if the stone was lifted upto the chest,it was sufficient proof..then,the test levels kept dropping to that of the navel,the knees and finally just a few feet off the ground..
Now..it is enough if one just touches the rock and bows to it..!!!

Padithadhil pidithadhu..

2006-10-31T08:55:00.000+11:00

It was a dense jungle,every inch of it filled with vegetation.Three trees stood side by side in a clearing and were friends.One day,they were talking about their deepest desires.
The first one said,"I want to be made into a jewel-box,protecting inside my stronghold..priceless gems and gold and silver..!"
"I want to be the ship of a strong and powerful King..",said the second tree.
The third one murmured quietly,"I want to touch the Lord of the Heavens above..I want to grow so tall that He rests in my shade..!"
Time went by and there came three woodcutters to the forest clearing.
The first man saw the first tree and said aloud,"this tree looks sturdy..I will make a jewel-box out of this and make a good profit.."and started to cut it down.Knowing that its desire was going to be fulfilled now,the tree was satisfied.
The second man went towards the tree that wanted to be a ship,sailing away into distant lands..and said ,"This tree's trunk is so straight and without notches..it will make a good mast..I will sell it to the shipmakers.." Thus,the second tree's desire too was to be fulfilled.
The third woodcutter cut down the remaining tree that wanted to touch the Heavens..it grieved to find it dreams being sawn along with itself and mourned silently for the death of desire.
Some days passed.The tree cut to be a jewel box turned out to be a trough for the cows to feed.It rued its fate,stinking amidst the stench of cowdung when it had dreamt of perfumes and glittering jewels..
The second tree was sold to a fisherman who made a small canoe of it to suit his needs and thus its hopes,too of bearing the King dashed daily with its grind against the seawaves.
The tree which wanted to Touch the Lord's feet lay useless and languishing in a dark corner.
One day,a pregnant woman,along with her husband was going to the physician's house when she suddenly went into labour.They quickly sheltered in a nearby place..a barn.There she was delivered of her child.In his hurry to provide a cradle for the child,the husband emptied the feeeding trough of the cows,cleaned it up with a few rags,filled it with soft hay and gently lay his firstborn in it.The tree that had wanted to protect and cherish valuable gems and gold found in its arms something priceless,something invaluable than all the riches of teh worls..a human life and..it felt a deep sense of satisfaction.It rejoiced that God had given more than it had asked for..
The tree that became a boat was travelling on the sea one day when a storm struck.The few people on board were being tossed about in the fury of the waves and fearful for their lives when a saint who was with them stood up and ordered the waves to stop.What a miracle..the storm stopped abruptly and the sea was calm once more..the tree realised that it had borne someone much greater than a King and felt gratified.
The tree that was thrown to rot away,was one day brought out into the open..A man with infinite grace and love in his eyes bore it upon his shoulders and falteringly limped across the streets of the city.He was being whipped repeatedly and forced to take the burden along with him up a steep hill.There..they crucified him.

..Our wishes are always fulfilled..not in the way we would like ..but in the way God wishes to..

For there are promises..

2006-10-26T08:49:00.000+10:00

5.45 A.M,Naatancheri..a slum on the outskirts of the city
Maari peers out of his ramshackle hut,put together with rotten palm fronds and an excuse for mud,paper plaster.His one-year old son moans derilously in fever while his wife looks on anxiously.She asks him,"Do you have to go?"
He replies a trifle angrily,"How many times will you ask me that stupid question?..of course,I have to go..This man has promised us a roof over our heads..how long can we tolerate this place..it is beacause of the wretched gutter that Saami has caught the fever..that's what the ayah from the hospital told us.."
She heaved a sigh,of long-suppressed emotions..of despair and of helplessness..of poverty and of false promises.."Well,the man before this promised us something too.."
she put into words the once bouyant,once deflated hopes of millions like her,carried on by the spur of the moment to keep believing in a decadent system of democracy,not understanding well enough the power play of politics..just believing,yet again in the infallible altruist government they once dreamed of..and keep dreaming about..
He is also of the millions..an auto driver with just enough to cover his family and eat two meals a day..he trusts now in a councillor who has promised his cheri people of government quarters..he knows he can't meet any minister so he skipped the assembly elections,but this is important.The government office is reachable..one can stand in a queue and atleast get to see the staff and voice one's problems..or so,he thought.
She turns to him with something akin to fear in her eyes "Don't go..I heard Maniakka tell her son that there will be be trouble..you know she works in the SP's house.."
He doesn't seem to have listened and walks out of the hut to get tea for all.
Maybe today,after I come back from the school,I can take Saami to the lady doctor..he thinks,mentally preparing his schedule of tasks for the day.
7:15 A.M,Pudur High School
Two men,with black pants and white shirts,are supervising the coming trucks and the things therein."Keep these in the main storeroom..,and these,near that tree..these,we will have them under our control..what do you say,is the Leader happy with the arrangements..you see,it is the question of money..he gives hard cash.,.we will have to give him satisfaction,isn't it?"he guffaws as he orders his men about.

In a couple of hours,people like Maari shuffle and stand in queues and higgeledy lines..the morning sun comes out in all his glory and beats down mercilessly upon them but they patiently await their turn,talking quietly amongst themselves...of their dreams..of proper ration supplies,of electricity,of sanitation,of housing..of water..

Two hours later,the place is deathly-silent.Ballot papers,torn and strewn about,fluttering in the wind seemed to mock and sneer.Torn slippers,overturned desks,bits and pieces of various coloured cloths,bags,a few black umbrellas stripped to the steel skeins,all the flotsam and jetsam of a mob riot laid bare the events that must have unfolded ..upon the unsuspecting mass.
As the blood stains dried in the fierce heat along with the hopes of the poor,it seemed ironical that a picture of the Mahatma should smile upon the scene..

Navaratri in Canberra

2006-10-04T09:03:00.000+10:00

Whoa..that is a sigh of relief..!!
What a busy week it had been..it seemed that all my days of idle rest suddenly rolled itself into an avalanche of meetings and greetings,sundals and sweets,dresses and necklances,songs and shlokams..!!
Well..not quite,that is..but both of us did have singing sessions at the temple..what with my husband trying out his bit with pakka pakkavadhiyam!!It was a change from normal routine and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves doing this and that..the temple at Mawson sees crowds only at this time of the year..almost all Tamil families come together,making one prasadam or other and the evening is spent on worshipping,poojai and socialising,with dinner dishes from various houses and thus,various culinary talents thrown in..
A wonderful chance to spend a little time with friends who are otherwise busy with work..
I kept a little kolu..collecting what I had around the place and fighting with my daughter for her dolls and then,allowing her to exhibit her paintings and art stuff..I sorely missed the gala,gaiety and color of kolu time back home..but had fun here..
And..I finished the Govinda Tanjore painting and was able to put it up,too along with the Krishna I had completed earlier..

With hope that Ambaal grants me my wish to keep holding Navaratri in such fashion each year and may SHE,as SHAKTI and the mother of all.. bestow peace and goodwill upon earth.

Bapu

2006-10-04T08:25:00.000+10:00

In the house opposite to mine lives a 70 year old woman..alone.
We had never met in the year or so I had moved here.
It was a bit of surprise when she called me over one day when she was watering the roses in her garden,as I returned from shopping.
After the usual pleasantries,she told me of her polish descent and french nationality and how she,along with her family had been herded off like cattle from their native Poland to Germany to concentration camps.The saga of millions thus uprooted and dehumanised in the battle that culminated in WWII shone in her eyes and she,epitomised the grim reality of how Man can be reduced to even lower than a worm and still come out and shine forth like a phoenix.
Then,she asked me about my origins,my culture and traditions,my history..Could I summarise it..no,I just said I am an Indian..
A light shone across her weathered features and a slow smile spread across her broken lips.."Ah..the land of Gandhi.."
What more pride could I have..
With a loin cloth and a dandi,Sabarmati ke sant..you did do wonders...
Salutations,Bapu..three bullets cannot take you away from us..may u forever guide this nation of yours to attain glory,as was your dream..

At the box office

2006-09-19T09:50:00.000+10:00

Well..well..well..wondering where I had been..nowhere in particular..but now here..what happenend to me..why am I speaking in circles..coming to the centre baat..in midst of my very busy schedule..(ahem,wink..wink)I watched a range of movies..and here are my opinions..
1.Parijatham
A feel-good movie with a straight screenplay,interesting events and lovely music..the song 'unnai kandene' is beautifully choreographed,photographed and is melodious..liked it..
2.VV
Ayoda..bayangaram..horrific and graphic..nightmarish..couldn't get rid of of the terrible scenes for some days..a definite no-no..Savings graces..a mature Kamal,an even maturer Jo and a nice-looking Kamalini(shyami..doesn't she look a bit like our kmu madhu?)..unpalatable..indigestible!!
3.Smthg..smthg
A third copy of a Salman-Kajol starrer the name which I forget..but adapted well to the tamil audiences..little logic but fun..nice songs..the scene in which Ravi eats Chillipowder rice bravely in front of Trisha and then,hankers for water..is lovable..time pass..though didn't like the climax..unnecessary action..
4.Imsai arasan 23rd pulikesi
Political satire..arrow-sharp dialogues..a lift out of 'uthama puthran'..a good performance by Vadivelu..liked the ten-point commandments in the end..fun movie..ka k ka ka po..
5.Lage raho MunnaBhai
A wow..wow and wow..the right dose of laughter and sentiment..and a banana in the needle message of how Gandhian values can still be implemented..loved it becoz I like Bapu..Dilip Prabhawalkar is very good as Bapu..and Sanjay dutt and Arshad warsi make a great pair..Vidya balan looks fresh..and the movie is as I said a wow..(ram,u will like it)..even better than MunnabhaiI..
Chalo..let me shoot off..duty calls(my daughter is hungry..)..lage raho..jeevan ke saath,vishwas ke saath and make a 'dariyal' of despair ..:D

Body..and soul

2006-08-31T08:50:00.000+10:00

For long have I contemplated the physical side of a union..a marriage,to be more precise..no,this is nothing scandalous or erotic;)..so please do go on..the finer points of the universe and its ever-changing,undefinable movements..combined with planetary and star positions determine life..on this earth...so,it is predetermined to whom you should be born,at what time,day,month,year..and it goes back to when you should be conceived in your mother's womb and thus,start your sojourn upon earth..Spiritual bliss,as experienced by few,has been described as an elongation of the physical one..for that,shouldn't the souls be interwined as closely as the bodies..there is something between the couple,so intimate,so soulful..that it transcends the mere touching of skins and bodies..
What made me write thus..I was just thinking about the degeneration of the feeling called 'love' between a man and a woman..Vairamuthu says that 'kaadhal' has come to mean physical attraction these days..not the kootru of Thiruvalluvar when he says
"Nesaththaar kaada lavaraaga veithundal anchudum vepaaku arindu" or kurunthogai kavithai"yaayum gyayum yaaraagiyaro"..
Another nice kavidhai..(yeno,poem enru solla manam varavillai)
"Yaar yaaro yaar yaaro
varuvaargal povaargal
vaayal punnagaippargal
parisendru packettugal kuviyum
perumbaalum isthri petti
maalayil jigina kazhutharukka
melachatham mandaikkul idikkum
udambellam eriyum
ullangai eeramaagum
kaalgal bootsukkul
kaatrukkai thavikum
kadikaaram nagaraadu
athanai kangalin
avasthai tharum paarvai veru
ithanaikkum naduvil
magaththaana aarudalai
ennarugil,miga arugil
un
vellai viral nuniyil
marudaani"
Nenjukkul edo kurukurukkudunnu sonnanga..
adu verum kichukichu aagi pochu ippodu..(idu endu!!)
Was reading Sujatha when he quotes Kavignar Mee.Ra..
"unakkum enakkum
ore oor
vasudevanallur
neeyum nanum
ore madham
thirunelvelich
saiva pillaimar
vaguppum kooda
unran thantahyum
enran thantahyum
sondakkaarargal
maithunanmaar
enave
sembula peyalneerpola
anbudai nenjam
thaamkalandanave.."
The message is not of caste undertones,but that their union has already been fated,and thus..blessed..
We have thinned out from sangakaala kalaacharam to sunday matrimonials..says Sujatha..
How true..the real things is life..the beautiful ones..the wondrous ones..fade away as do the elves of Mirkwood and of Middle earth..
In the words of Galadriel,"All fair things come to a pass.."
How sad..
Can we hope to hold on to the last,fading tendrils..wisps of smoke..for the desire that our children can enjoy such..
No..as dystopian realities fast creep upon us and we turn into heartless machines..letting go..and ourselves gone too far to care about it enough..

A legend..

2006-08-28T13:09:00.000+10:00

A life chapter draws to a close..of someone who gave new meaning to cinema..presenting delightful next-door or even more personal stories and refreshing insights to the onece onerous,drab..once exciting kaleidoscope of human emotions,albeit with humour and a touch of sentiment that never fails to touch that secret part of your heart you probably keep closed to all..making u laugh at inanities or egotics,making u cry over life's injusticies,the unfairness of death and the unfair allocation of disaapointments and despairs..and thus of life..
"Guddi","Bawarchi","Chupke Chupke","Mili","Anand","Namak Haram","Chitchor","Golmaal","Chhoti si baat","Naram Garam","Asli Nakli","Anupama","Abhimaan","Khoobsurat",..the list goes on,I forget names of few..all are my favourite movies..simple stories told in an absorbing way..
Salutations to a master film maker who knew how to tell stories from..and about.. life..
Hrishikesh Mukherjee may have passed on..but his films remain to provide humour and feel-good sentiments to generations ..

A diary entry..

2006-07-21T08:48:00.000+10:00

Hi there..hope all of you have been getting along quite finely with ur lives..is that a good opening line..sounds cliched..anyways,reflects my fondest wishes for all my friends to be happy always..a bit on my altruistic side...
well,what's up with me..can't say I have been very busy,or I would be telling an'anda pulugu,aagasa pulugu'..a blatant lie,for which then my conscience would keep pricking with a rather huge needle...it is just one of those times..the ante-phase u may call it,that pass thru everyone's lives..a thoroughly boring period of nil creativity and probably the same amount of energy,physical or mental...when life just goes on,prodded by the routine of tasks..and u somehow,feel detached from all of it..watching precious minutes go by worthlessly,fretting from the sidelines..even then,sometimes the fretting kindof dissapiates into nothingness..till u have the emotional range of a bombshell in the appearance of an automaton..
I found out a few things..
1.I have everything but I am still searching for something..my mind that is,the rational side of it,tells me I am probably in the fourth stage of Maslow's hierarchy of needs(Management studies!!)..and in the limbo between ceaseless doubt and absolute certainity..but of what,I don't know..confused..!!
2.I am happy now with what I have and think I am indeed fortunate..contented!!
3.My previous statements reflect the two fishes of my sign..in opposite directions..disoriented!!
4.I felt extremely outraged,then my feelings dwindled into sadness ..need I point out the lives lost ..what is to be gained at all..deeply saddened!!
5.Felt a bit energetic,avowing anew to lose a few kilos..and spent a lot of time I would have done blogging on the rower and the cycle,watching Jackie chan movies by the dozen...(for inspiration)..fresh and funny!!
6.Tried a whole lot of new recipes..bakshanams...pleased at the response of my kids..and confident I can take this up as a business..!!!a start,perhaps!!7.Celebrated my sixth wedding anniversary quietly,but felt happy..again,contented!!
8.Progressed quite a lot with my tanjore painting,originally intended to be Ganesha but turned out to be Govinda,don't ask me how...fulfilling!!
9.Tried applying a few jobs suited to my demands..actually had to laugh at the way the consultants backed off..in despair,then..thankful!!
10.Got a quite bit of tidying done around the house..things in their places and locked away and kitchen a bright,shiny heaven..pleased!!(now,I am running out of adjectives here..)
11.Am convinced I was,am and will be always right..when I think..everything is for the good,everything will work its own way sooner or later,everyone is being put in someone's life for a reason and the only thing,fact,belief,pillar u can hold on to always.. constantly for solace,comfort,encouragement,support is GOD..(should add,husband too,I suppose..;))
P.S-Should apologise for taking u on a roller-coaster but have posted it for posterity..I hope to look this up some day and laugh at myself..maybe when I would have matured a little and have more control over my emotional state!!

Motherhood..

2006-06-21T09:18:00.000+10:00

Amaya peered through her heavily-burkhaed veil..the half-inch slit closing out sights and emotions..into the bleak desert,the sands swirling in a mad dance with the wind and scattering into dust,forever changing their patterns..me too,thought she..am like the sand..no place to stay..no place to dream and no place to live..again..she thought again,as she did countless times a day of her happy and lost childhood..of green plants and water fountains and a beardy father who loved to ift her up to the skies and be tickled in her unbounded,a little fearful.. laughter,a lovely mother who had always a kind voice and eyes that used to light up on the sight of her two brothers and herself...her children..Hamid was just a year younger when little Bashi was the sweetest,the live doll she had taken to mothering...the last memory clinging on to her like shreds of tattered autumn leaves in a fierce winter wind..with only she and Hamid to live..to scavenge and to revenge..to continue this mindless war that had drunk out her childhood,her hopes and her whole life and left her drab and lifeless,hearing only the sounds of repeated gunfire..Hamid,through some similar friends had joined up as a recruit in some terrorist group..she knew not what..though she had dissauded him at first..it was she who had been influenced by all the talk of retribution..now she held a gun,too..she knew not..what type it was,where from it came but she knew that she had just to press her index finger on the trigger to feel some peace in her raging mind..
Then,she heard a whimper..it came from behind the dustbin..well,everything in here was a dustbin..no sense,no structure..just mindless destruction...she looked both ways and checked to see if the street was empty and lifted her black veil and peered cautiously inside..a pairt of very frightened eyes looked back at her..and found the way into her heart..a small boy..and O My God,he looks just like Bashi..she beckoned to him,tried to lift him and could sense his resistance through his bony frame..and instinctively she knew he was one of her enemy..might have been his father or uncle who wiped out her family..but then,she looked into those eyes again and was reminded of a badly beaten ragged puppy she had once saved from rowdy boys..she asked him,"what's ur name?" he replied timidly,"Ben..Benjamin..u r not going to kill me?"eyeing her gun..she dropped it down and sat down and lifted him to her lap..at once,th kid hugged her close and clinged to her like a clamp on a rock..the fear in his eyes was replaced by gratitude and relief and surrender..she now had no other notion than to save this kid and bring him up..what matters about religion or war or pride..a child is a child and motherhood is universal..she took him on her hip and left the gun behind..and walked towards her tent..
She was just feeding the kid some bread dipped in milk when Hamid walked inside..he stopped short and his eyes took in the situation..it was a simulated response..one he had been trained to do..his hands closed upon the gun that hung to his side and trigger-pressed,aimed upon the kid..Amaya shoutes.."Doesn't he remind u of Bashi?"
With cold eyes,Hamid replied"yes..he does..that's why I want to kill him.."
Amaya could not understand men's thougts..suddenly it struck her that wars would never cease as long as men ruled the world..she pushed him away..picked up the kid and left the tent,the only person she had in the world to call her own..but then,his heart had died..and strode out into the swirling sands..the sands had a purpose,they performed these dances to some patterns..throughout eternity and she knew too,her life would find a meaning now..

P.S War disturbs me..I,who am an avid news watcher,have lost all interest to know happenings around the world as there is only news of war..pictures of gun-toting soldiers..of destruction..I read a beautiful column recently on how Mother Nature is distressed beyond comfort at this mayhem..and it spurred me on this story..Mother Earth would never wnat her children to fight over pieces of herself..is she not bountiful enough to support all her children..life is so cheap and worthless now..be it that of a plant or a human..when will she find peace..

4..a birthday wish

2006-06-08T11:59:00.000+10:00

My piece of heaven turns four today..
Wishing her all the success,love,luck in life..and hope she learns and enjoys each step of the winding way..
Hope she turns out to be a beautiful person..on the inside:)
May God be her shadow..
Happy birthday,my little baby..

Acho..not me,thank u!

2006-05-31T08:47:00.000+10:00

Hi All..glad to be back..typing away on the blogger blank post..after a bout of illness..the usual cold,flu stuff..a series of medical tests that contributed vastly to the temporary immobilisation of my arms(that's in another post:)) and surprise,surprise..the first,second and third steps followed by all and sundry for getting a job and runing headlong into the money-making,adrenaline -pumpng,intelligence-showcasing,high-strung emotionalising and crying and scolding and stressing business of all time..(did I portray what a job means to me correctly..?I was asked to assess the motivational factors of a job I wud seek..in a 5 page questionnaire..!!)..Don't know the results as yet..but find that I actually dread it..I am simply not cut out for it..I find so..I have my answer ready..I will work only part-time and that too in a location near my house,say within 15km around its radius..no wonder the job consultants give vague replies and are not very particularly interested in contacting me!!;)
But then,endured and gained a new experience..I am usually a slow and steady person so the mad rush disoriented me completely..I had to be at the interview at 9am..got up early,made breakfast,bathed the kid,got her ready for playschool,all the things I would need already packed away the nightbefore..resume,photo-id,passport,certificates,etc.my clothes neatly pressed..I was a bit worried as I did not own professional attire as specified in yesterday's telephone interview..was out of the house by 8am..missed two busses,caught the third at 8.25am..reached the city at 850..walked to the office(exactly15mts)..was late by 5 minutes..thankful to find two more were yet to arrive..from that moment on..it was a series of tests..emotive,qualitative,analytical..intelligence..roleplay..one on one and group..an assesor interview...three forms..not a minute to breathe or even think..was on automaton..remember that it was easy..but it felt unreal..as if I was not supposed to be there and it was an alterself that was working its way through cash-handling and error-checking and data-entry..when the manger said that we could go and would be contacted some time over the next week about the results..it was 12.45pm..then,walked back,caught the bus home..didnt know what I was thinking..got down two stops early and walked some 4-5km home..madness!!Just plonked out on the sofa..and decided very strongly..no full-time work for me..I liked it better to spend my time painting..though I would have no monetary gains,I would feel satisfied at a personal level..what is life if u can't decide and have the courage to throw away something u might need but don't essentially like..thankfully,i am not in a compunction to do that..it does take agonising,a different kind of courage to say 'no',knowing the money will be useful..there will be lot of things that can be done,security,financial future,investment..I know..I am a finance graduate..but then,I think I can't bear the look on my kid's face if I leave her all five days in a week at school and don't find time to play with her or even hear what she wants to say at the end of the day..
so that's that,folks..and the most wonderful thing out of this is that we both nod our heads in unison..:)

Anniversary..

2006-05-16T09:46:00.000+10:00

I thought something was missing...
Then I checked today..my very first virtual diary entry had been a year and a week earlier..Hadn't even known the days passing..one more year less ..one more learning process..tickled,bored,offended,maybe inspired..on the whole and in the end,have collected the most precious of treasures..people!
The most singular achievement,if I can say so without feeling like bragging, I have done to some purpose is starting this blog as a very minuscule attempt to do something for my country..it is still in the preliminary stage..but it is a definite start.I would like to build it up into a proper website providing information,recording the 'real' work we will do as members..in general, urging everyone to stand up and in the process,inspire others..
Atleat,we as members feel as if we are a part of something..there is so much more we can do and should,too..I take this opportunity to remind that we have work to do..let this thread of thought run perpetually in the back of our minds and let's not for a second,forget the commitment we have made,for better lives and better hopes of millions of our countrymen.
Vande Mataram

Disastrous..

2006-05-15T08:07:00.000+10:00

Well..that is the result of my trying out a relatively-new kitchen appliance..the bread-machine..
Actually,I would never buy something like that..it came as a gift..(wonder why people gift electrical appliances they themselves would be wary to try..maybe,I should question their intentions more closely..)now,that's a joke..these people have nothing but my welfare at heart but then would sorely be hurt of my insinuations..sorry there,guys..my fault,entirely..stop.
There is this Sunbeam Country Bakehouse..a fancy name,no doubt..that promises to deliver the most freshest bread on Earth..what could possibly be more fresher than which is made under ur very eyes,tantalising ur nose with the rich aroma..making u feel as if u have stepped into a bakery rather than ur own kitchen..(not my words)..
made me kinda excited to try it out..now,u must have been clear about my eating tendencies.. I am a self-confessed food freak..80%gourmet..20%gourmand..the difference is that a gourmand is a decent glutton!!So I like to try different varieties of vegetarian food and love my kitchen appliances like my husband does his laptop..and I am that kind of a fanatic in food that can say exactly how many mustard seeds have been popped into today's saathumbudu(saatham+amudhu)..aka rasam..a slight decrease in salt ups my blood pressure..but then my ultimate satisfaction lies in a meal well prepared and served and relished and burped..(it's a custom for the guest to burp loudly to show his satisfaction at his hostess'meal in some tribes of Africa and New Zealand..if he doesn't..he will be impaled upon the spear of her husband!!)..stop.
I come to my nemesis now..the bread machine..the fact is I don't have the instruction booklet..which is manna for any new appaliance..so,though I knew the perfect recipe,the correct order in which to put in the ingredients,the time needed for it to cook,the crust selection and the bake selection..the loss of that 20-page booklet totally ruined my bread-making process..as I didn't know which buttons to push..literally!!
I had added all the flour,water and yeast and just let the machine do it..it started to rise as did my spirits..however my well-trained culinary knowlege kept nagging me..isn't it supposed to knead the dough at all..I double and triple checked the procedure..which I thankfully got from an internet site..but it said nothing about any dough..then it started sending SOS..a beep followe by smoke..I scooped the entire block of flour out..burning a few fingers in the process..let it cool and threw it away and started again..
Though it hurts my ego to tell you this,Still..the second attempt too landed in the dustbin.a floury mass of lumpen half-bake..more shaped like a brown rock..I should have perhaps put it in the midst of my garden for a bit of land-scaping and atleast let everyone praise my aesthetic sense..if not my culinary one..
But then..it's not my fault,u see..while shifting house..it was my husband who had left behind the manual..
All he said was "Thank God!!"

The Cycle..of life

2006-05-15T07:49:00.000+10:00

Two deaths..a couple of births..in a span of a week's time..pulled me to a grinding stop with an almighty crash and resultant bang from which I am still reeling..a huge rock into my idyllic pool..drenching me fully and jerking me into the absurdity,the complexity,the loos and pain,the gain and gift that is life..
My days pass by ..nothing to complain at all..a very peaceful existence..thoughts of tomorrow comfortably nestled back,buried under the pleasantness of today..the hurts of past long forgotten..only the knowledge gained enriching this today and that tomorrow..when Death arrives and shakes me rudely out of my reverie..and romance and dreams..I see,feel and grieve the pain...wonder at the very meaning of a rich,fulfilled 80 year old life reduced to an ebony box of cinders..and the sorrow of loved ones..the understanding of detachment..and sometimes our lives seem so meaningless..what are we heading for..what do we do that we do..why do we do that..to what purpose..to what end?
Then,I see the perfect new bud,opening its little tendrils of pink,tender fingers and toes,opens its eyes lazily,and greeting the world and the huge faces blurring n and out of its focus,the strange,uncomfortable arms lifting it and wet,sloppy somethings on its forehead or cheek that frightens it..the heart so hardened by the loss,melts like butter in the sun and overflows with love and what not,the feeling incomprehensible..
I find my answers..in dharma..in karma..we do rely upon the ingrained and trained religion for explanations..
So,do we stop loving,working for our loved ones just because we know nothing is permanant...no..we do go on..on and on..in the cycle that is life..

The Man..The Poet

2006-05-05T11:02:00.000+10:00

Saw the film..have read about his life,admire,respect,adore,worship and in awe with his words..can't put into words exactly my feelings about him,his thoughts,his ideas,his language..can't even write a decent eulogy..feel so inadequate..but then,enriched because I know his language,can read his fiery words and feel them ablaze inside my very skin and radiate in the air that I breathe..
In the film,his wife wakes up to find him crying over the sad plight of plantation workers in Bengal..she gently chides him saying that starvation is their plight too,how could he cry for strangers when his own family is hungry..he replies,"Your husband,Subbaiyah is a poor man,if his family is starving,then let them..but Bharathi is different..He stands atop a pillar,watching over all humanity."
In another instance,he defies caste barriers by having tea in a muslim's shop..His friend remarks that it's nice to see him thus..to which Bharathi replies"what's this..when my daughter runs away to Rangoon with a low-caste boy and writes to me that she is fine,then I'll be really happy..!!"
There is no sycophancy,no proving to others that I am superior in thoughts than all of you,no desire for fame by revolting against religious and caste barriers,no need to show off..there is just clear and plain truth..the man that he is..
Yes,he lives..'kaala unnai kaalal midippen..." ..this wasn't an ordianry boast..Death hasn't even come near a hundred miles of him,I would say..As long as Tamil lives..so does this visionary,this terrorist who seeked to bring about change,not with arms but with deeds and words..and started with..himself!

Can't believe..

2006-05-03T08:47:00.000+10:00

Over the car radio,this morning at 8am..news across Australia
"Scientists have clearly established that planetary movements have nothing to do with the daily lives,loves and troubles of people..there is absolutely no connection between the positions and orbitary revolutions of the planets to human life.."
This was being followed by a number of call-ins and discussions over whether being a gemini or a leo could impend travel in the coming days or such.

This news sure does shake the very foundations of astrology-jathakam,josiyam,raasi,amsam,etc..etc..Viewed with a sceptical eye that usually marks out Western findings as crap..combined with the strong unshakable faith in our tradition and lore..this might not amount to anything much on the home front..but still,bells are ringing in the other half of my brain..that which has been brought up on the belief of kattams and raasis and grahams and doshams and dasais and pariharams..
Am reminded of a story about Mihir(Mihira or Mihirar)..a renowned astronomist who lived circa 600 BC..After studying the position of stars and planets at the time of the prince's birth,he foretold that the prince would die on his 21st birthday by a boar's head.The King scoffed at this doomsday prophecy,had Mihira banished and decided to bring up his son away from the forest or hunting where he might encounter a boar..the prince,accordingly was brought up in the confines of the palace walls,in all comfort and duly reached his 21st birthday.The King was not overly worried but still dreaded the outcome of the day..and he kept a close eye on his son.Nothing happened until a servant carrying away the remains of the prince's breakfast slipped on a bit of oil,sent the plates crashing all over the place,upsetting a huge jar and then the doorpole which in turn fell upon a boar's head plaque hung on the rafters to the entrance to the room..which fell with an almighty clang upon the poor prince's head,who had come out of his room to see what had happenned,killing him instantaneously.
Another version of the story is that the prince was strolling around the terrace when the practising spear of an armsman hit him in the eye.The spear was later found to be engraved with a boar's head.
On account of this startling prophecy that Mihira came to be known as Varahamihira..Varaha meaning 'boar' in sanskrit.He is better known as one of our earloest astronomists and has writtena treatise on that subject.

Like all things in life,astrology too is sometimes'poi'..sometimes'mei'..whole lives have been wasted on blind beliefs..it's time we overthrew that mould and just placed our faith in God and get going..
Easier said than done,I suppose..!!

Vidamaatanga pa..

2006-04-28T09:38:00.000+10:00

Tagged by RC and Poorni and Ram..so,shud do it at the earliest..:)..
Simple pleasures in life..hmm..for me,each moment of life is a pleasure,to be relishes,savoured and enjoyed..U don't have aeons to do all that you want..so just be happy doing what comes your way is my policy..almost all my pleasures have been echoed across my bloging fraternity ..nevertheless..
1.Seeing the sweet smile of my kid,her extra cuddle and throwing her leg upon me first thing in the cold morning.
2.Rain,rain and rain..drops on my face,the pitter-patter on my roof,the puddles in my backyard..not to mention splashing in them with my kid..
3.The slow,sweet smile on my husband's face after each mealtime..gals,do remember..the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach!!
4.Lines,shades,paints..watching my strokes become something..
5.Music..long,solitary afternoons with flute melodies,Unnikrishnan and MS..ARR is default..:)and nobody around to hear my lungs burst out with the force of my uchasthayi..
6.My mom's and dad's voice over the fone..
7.Books..the smell of new paper or old moth balls..the exciting journey in each..
8.Food,good,simple fare..vathakuzhambu with appalam.some nice thogayal..morsadam with maavudu,maakaali or amma's puli-inji..acho,pasikude..!!
9.Stroking the gentle slope of my daughter's shoulders,frail and vulnerable..her big,soulful eyes..and dressing her up in different costumes..wow,I love that!!
10.Blogging..brought a meaning and purpose..so many nice souls in the vast magnitude of the world.. am alone yet not alone..wonderful...
To u all,my virtual friends..u r amongst the greatest pleasures in my life..
I tag no one..as everybody I know has done it..:P

(Post)mark

2006-04-26T09:09:00.000+10:00

The previous week had been hectic..quite a change from the routines I am used to...days so ordinary that I tend to forget which is which and when the weekend gapes at you and greets you with a big smile and says "go on..lie in for a while..keep your toes nice and warm and have a liitle bit more of that elicious warmth and sleep..!!"..though my body clock and I must add,my kid wanting to go to the bathroom.. play havoc with dreamy feelings and bid my indolent indulgences goodbye..:(
Well,back to the point..the Tamil new year celebrations were held last Saturday..a bit of formal invocation and speeches(I was initiated properly into speaking aussie-accented tamil..which i didn't get anyway..!!),a bit of entertainment..a skit,some somgs..a duet(performed satisfactorily by my husband and me..accompanied..i am told..in the background..by my kid..who was having snacks and singing with us simultaneously..half the audience reportedly were listening to her..!!!!)..a skit in which she was Radha,pining for Krishna..(she was put up on a chair because the audience couldn't see her and left there the whole duration and she was afraid to come down because of fear her lehanga might trip her down and also of the height without support and stayed put with big,helpless eyes until a good samaritan took her off and set her on the ground.).some good food and sweets..without caring about the calorie intake..a fun trivia..with guessing film songs and political questions and general knowledge(our team,the blues..won)and lot of smiles all around..returning home in zero degrees to cuddle up with a great big rug and sated sleep..
Some good points to be noted:
1.I totally forgot I was wearing a sari and felt very comfortable as if I had been born with it..had always felt conscious..maybe I have grown into it!!
2.Met the brother of a classmate who had been with me in the 10th standard..imagine..almost 11 years,he put me down the road..and remembered some more names from high school..learnt she was yet single and into mulitmedia..good for her.(i meant the other..!!)
3.Met a really nice girl..someone my sis's age..studying at the uni,working in the city and staying alone..just opposite the road..and came to know she owned a virtual home ,too in blogspot..wonderful,guess it would have been more so if we had met earlier with our virtual identities..!!!
4.Had a great time..
5.This is my 50th post..hurray!!:)

Plain talk

2006-04-20T10:55:00.000+10:00

Life's most important lessons are learnt in undefined moments...

Scene 1 : My daughter is trying to read a book in which she had scribbled some two years back..
her: What's all this..i can't see the picture!!
me : U had done it when u were small..
her: Why didn't you stop me then?..how could I have known?..I was so small..
me agape..not knowing what to say..

Scene 2 :We are watching Spiderman 2.. I am telling her that the villain is bad because he doesn't care about people and Spiderman is good because he tries to save the train even if he is hurting himself..
her : spiderman is good but he gets 'oova'..he can't get up ..who will save him now?..
me :see, the people are helping him get up..
her : then why do they have to saved at all?
me : Spiderman helped them so they are helping him..one should always help others..if you find someone has fallen in your playschool,don't laugh..help him/her to get up..ok?
her : (after serious contemplation)even if they push me?
me : yes,even if they push you..
her : no,i will do this..i will push them..then help them to get up..ok?
me in consternation...

Scene 3:me trying the 'happy mum,sad mum'technique..
me :see,baby..if your being bad,amma will be sad like this-:( and if you are being good,amma will be very happy like this-:)..and hug you and kiss you..ok?
her :then,amma..I'll be sad like this-:(if you don't give me chocolate and happy like this-:)if you say I don't have to put my toys away..ok?

Scene 4 :her dad and I were talking about something and she kept interrupting,not allowing us to finish our conversation.
me : See,baby..me and appa are talking and it is bad manners to interrupt..wait till we have finished.
That evening..
She is pestering her dad for ice-cream when we were in the mall..and I say to her dad,"Don't let her have anything..she will get cold"
Her:"amma,don't interrupt..appa and I are talking..wait till we have finished..!!"

One on One

2006-04-11T10:27:00.000+10:00

Now,I am in state of extreme contemplation since morning..Siva's post really got my brain clogs by their horns and have now forced them to work on the super-speed branch-branch jumping mechanism that in reality is more of a calorie-burner than the treadmill..Had me musing..the mind shut off while the body performed banal tasks..have come to the one place of revealation,here.. to givedefinite form to my confused contemplations..and try to make sense of the reviewal process..
What does it mean to be close to someone?

Sharing thoughts?
Sharing joy?
Sharing pain?

I would place my beliefs on it being all three and much more that cannot just be extensively worded and put across.If you are being close to someone,then that person holds a special place in your heart and in all evidence,you are 'loving' him/her.Now,that brings us to one question that has been eluding me the answer as I constantly search for it in the hidden and not-so hidden words,gestures,acts..physical things like gifts and presents and the tangible thoughts that go with them..mental ones like caring thoughts and concern and sympathy and understanding..in a relationship.
Sharing joy is a common enough occurence..this can be done successfully with any stranger too..sharing thoughts would be on a more intimate level,u lay open your innermost feelings to one you find may not laugh at you for having such fears or dreams..for the pain of embarassing yourself with your thoughts is hard to bear...but sharing pain is something much more real..it takes a whole lot to be with someone in pain and really try to understand what that person maybe undergoing and provide solace..either by soothing words or as a rock of support..just by being there for them..it takes courage and commitment..the sharing of suffering,pain,disappointment,loss of faith brings two people on the same plane and draws them closer together..they grow as one together,welded in the fire of sorrow and pain and foged with love anew.
Fulfilment of material desires thus,by a person loved can be classified as instant gratification but fulfillment of the more basic needs of support,encouragement,faith is on the soul-satisfaction level.This intends to live and win through all the odds and ends of the roller-coaster that is life.
I had always wondered at the common sense of being one to one..soulmates have to be of the different sexes.man and woman..the halves of the whole..supplementing and complementing each other..sharing everything and withholding nothing between them..both on the physical and the spirit level..that's the reason possibly for the overwhelming metaphorical and allegorical usage of nayakan-nayaki bhaava in extreme devotion as sung by the Azhwars and others like them..To be beloved is above all bargains..and amor vincit omnia
We keep on the search for that 'perfect'him/her ..be it a complete stranger or someone you had possibly known before..but then,it just happens..BOOM!

Missing you all,my friends..

2006-04-06T10:42:00.000+10:00

Missing the days when everything was fun..
Missing the days when friends were everything..
Missing the days when 'life' meant 'friends'..
Missing THE 'life'..!!!

Nostalgic..happy and sad..painful partings..buried memories..cheerful faces..names that bring flutters to the heart..remininscences..just memories..now..

Move on..move on..says the mind
Wait,let me atleast sit for some time and remember and dream..says the heart..

C'EST LA VIE..says me!!:)

A goof-up

2006-03-30T09:52:00.000+11:00

Yesterday evening was normal..hubby back from office,kid playing with scattered blocks allaround the living room..dinner on the go..oothappams..so me cutting onions when the telephone rang.It was a friend who had given his spare key to us when he had been visiting to Sydney some two months back.He had forgotten his original set of house keys and was now stranded out of his house,on the kerb and just back from leaving his car at the service station.
My husband put down the fone and asked me,"where is the key?"
I was flustered,as I couldn't remember immediately the exact loacation where I had placed it before..I told him,"it's in a very safe place..I wouldn't handle something like this carelessly..but for the love of god,I can't remember where.."
He looked at me for a few seconds,exasperated or amused,I don't presume to guess..and it was just a second.The other second,we threw off everything we were doing and started searching..literally turning the house upside down.We turned down drawers,ransacked cupboars,emptied all the bags we could lay our eyes on and I kept calling him here and there,to look over the tallest shelf or over the head cupboards I couldn't reach without a chair..he wouldn't let me climb one in the fear I will fall over in my over-anxiety..all the while the image of the friend standing with his heavily pregnant wife out on the streets,waiting for my husband to arrive with the key..running over again and again in the back of my head!!! oh,now I lack the right words to describe well enough the haste,the flurry,the unsaid thoughts and recriminations..I was the one scolding myself..and my husband actually found me swearing..no bad words or inadmissable language..but then I never had ever used swear words..he was actually surprised I even knew how to..
I got all the more irritated whern heard him humming throughout the house..it's his habit.if cross,sing a song!!I find it irksome and then I am unable to focus my thoughts evenly..this' key 'matter threatened to blow over the peace of our home and quite unnecessarily,too!!
My daughter kept asking me,"what r u searching,mom?" I told her to stay out of the way and clear her blocks and just keep quiet..
Then,I gathered up all the keys we ever had in our home and took it to my husband.."this is all we have.."
him:"here it is..this pink one!"
me:"pink?!!?!I thought it was our garage key..I knew where it was all along..are u sure this is the one?"
him:"yes,what did u think.."
me:"I imagined a set of keys on some fancy key-ring or something.."
He looked at me again,exasperated or amused,I don't presume to guess..

SSSscarrrrr.....The Finale

2006-03-29T14:42:00.000+11:00

"Do you believe in re-incarnation?In many eastern mythologies and traditions,it is accepted that two souls that merge in marriage have been doing so for all their live,present and past..and that when you meet the person you were born to be with,nothing can stand in the way...obstacles,persons,prejudices,preferences,class,society,education,nothing...and the queerest fact would be that you will find yourselves unable to explain this to anyone,not even your closest friends or parents..because nobody can nderstand you but that one person..it is like when those destined to spend their lives together as one were born,they start walking in a straight line towards each other till they meet..the parents you were born to,your kith and kin everybody keeps changing in the endless melee of continuing birth,life and death but your soulmate remains the same..you will have your differences,you will fight with each other,you may even hate each other but you cannot possibly deny the fact that you were made for each other..some people keep searching for their soulmates..sometimes in the same life..sometimes..life after life..and would you be able to know them..YES, you would..I did!!"
She was writing furiously,losing track of time..as her pen scribbled along over reams of paper..she paused midway to edit her more recent paragraphs..crossing out whole sentences,checking grammatical errors and spelling mistakes..she glided seamlessly as the flow of words spilled through her brain,travelled through her arms and into her willing,ink-stained fingers. Ha!..that would do..she leaned back with a sigh of satisfaction and stretched her cramped fingers and rubbed her aching back. Everybody likes to tell a story and write it oo,if they can..and more wonderfully exquiste is the moment when they can see it in print,manage to garner atleast a fleeting interest in prospective readers and nothing like a few words of praise to describe either their story line or their unexigious vocabulary or their well-crafted scenery or their characterisations.She relived her happy memories and felt that comfort only acknowledgement of talent can bring envelop her like a second soul..giving her suppport and solace and a feeling of being wanted. She agreed to that,but then there was no universal'open sesame'to suddenly make the writer's words clear to everyone..How is one to know what mood,what incident or what inspiration perhaps was the driving force,the precise catalyst in the usage of words and the formation of sentences thus..it is but through diligent reading and writing that a writer can internalize a sense of what constitutes good style and then it wil become a matter of instinctive feel..good prose,like poetry has a rhythm of its own..a rhythm less subtler,less obstrusive..the voice of her literature professor came swimming to the for of her contemplative mind..what would he say of my attempt,she thought..I had been trying for so long to gird myself and bring up the courage to put my thoughts and ideas into well-meaning words and form sentences and write a cohesive story..I had been content enough to read booksa and delve deep into their wisdom,lose myself in the wilderness of language,marvel at the exotic scenery painted before my mind's eye and generally wander about in the vast,each time newly created, never-ending dreamlands ..but then she had entered this world..when she had been alone without any friends or family nearby..longing for the fulfillment of the basic humane instinct of connecting..whether by banter or light talk or debate or serious discussion or just for the solace of words..
This new vista excited her,challenged her mental faculties and inspired her to constantly overcome barriers as they kept cropping up in the recesses of her brain to reach out and be done with,once for all,her dreary existence as a bookish introvert..and she plodded on..as new personas kept emerging in light of her prose and glorified her with their acclaim,lauded her each simple effort,extolled her virtues and commended her works to others.Their virtual presence at her home constantly seeked to feed her flailing self-esteem and boosted her ego and left her feeling complete,in a way that just could not be put down in words.
She perceived thus a consummate love throught her prose and has recently turned over-zealotic in her endeavours..

But then,she had always liked her little romance..!!

Herald..

2006-03-29T14:17:00.000+11:00

HEAR YE ..one and all..
From today onwards,I hereby announce the
opening of my art gallery here..
do leave ur esteemed comments as always and
continue your solid encouragement
and unwavering support!!
Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!

SSSscarrrrr.....

2006-03-28T10:59:00.000+11:00

She was tying a long pale-rose sash around her waist,putting on the final touches to her toilette.Her new gown was fashioned in the latest style,with a heavy damask overskirt of white embroidered withgold and sewn with tiny seed pearls.The petticoat was of pale rose,the hue matching that of her sash and a tiny ruff of lace about her neck and the sleeves had little silk roses pinned to them where the shoulders puffed out.Her nanny and now maid,fastened a twisted strand of pearls and adjusted them to fall to her waist just above the V of her stomacher.As she slipped her dainty feet into pink satin slippers,her maid made a sign to countereffect the evil eye..she had been a romany gypsy taken into her father's household long since..as her mother had died at chidbirth.She had been her wetnurse,nanny,maid,closest confidante and mother rolled into one and Betty was grateful for her.
"Is my aunt there yet,Martha?"She asked as her maid brushed out the reddish-brown curls til they shone like burnished copper in the lamplight.
"Not yet,my child..but you can be sure she'll be on time and scold you for not being ready...now,take up that sequined purse and don't forget to stuff your hankies..two there and two here..now,let me see..you look exactly like your mother,dear betty..and may the Holy virgin protect you always.."Martha's gruff tome belied the softness of her heart as she shooed her charge away down the stairs into the study of her father,Sir Francis Bedingham of the Wolfshire County,Lord of Whitehill Hall,knighted by Henry VIII himself and doting father to Elisabeth May Bedingham,the lovely daughter so like her mother.He was stunned for a few moments as Betty glided into his view..how this daughter of mine has grown from a pigtailed chubby tot of five ,then to the tomboy of wild,flying hair who loved horses and quarrels with the visiting sons of his friends to this demure and shy rose-sheathed vision of a beautiful woman..he was painfully aware of the passage of time as he was constantly reminded by his sister,who pestered him everytime to allow his daughter be escorted and formally introduced to London society so that she could find a suitable match for Betty.Her 'coming of age'ball was long due and the reluctant father had been dorse to admit the fact that he would now have to face the prospect of living alone without his pretty angel for company.
He shook himself out of his reverie at the sharp voice of his no-nonsense sister calling out to him "now,now,Frank..what dreamlands are you visting now..can't you see we are ready.we have to be on time or a little early wouldn't do us any harm too..You know that the Queen herself is expected to attend this ball,after all it's being given in her honour..would that our Betty is taken to be in Her Majesty's retinue..she would then be known in the court ..you don't care about it,preferring your rural communes,so far away from the City..!Where can you ever find a husband for her in these drab lands,I can scarcely presume to know.."Betty and her father exchanged knowing glances and she tried to suppress a giggle as her father rolled his eyes heavenward."Now,now..don't you go about giggling thus in front of the Queen..haven't you taught her any manners,Frankie..to have left this impressionable girl in the company of a gypsy,what more could you possibly ask for.."Her aunt had never forgiven her brother to have refused to give Betty for her to raise and it irked her that he probably preferred a low-born gypsy woman to mother her niece.
Betty had been looking forward to this evening.It was quite a favour to be present in the same ball as the queen herself and having heard that many distinguished public personalities would be attending,Betty hoped to see The Bard of Avon and few of her other favourite poets.
Their journey was uneventful and as Betty was handed over from the doors of her coach by her driver,the sight that met her eyes confounded her and left her quite dizzy for some time.She had never before seen such glitter and glam,such shine and splendour,such colour and scenery and it was to be polite,too flashy in her terms.Her aunt seemed at more at ease with her surroundings and also had met a few of her friends rightaway. The general talk was that of court gossip though some of the men were talking politics.
In Febraury that year,the Pope had excommunicated Elizabeth by means of the Bull Regnans in Excelsis,by which he thought to depose the queen and enthrone Mary of Scots in her place.This had led to quite a speculation whether the Catholics would rise in riot and add to the Queen's many headaches as of present.A blare of trumpets and the herald's voice announced the arrival of Her Majesty,Queen Elizabeth of England.Betty was shocked to note that the queen was diminutive in size ,billowed by her voluminous gown of rich bracade and cloth of gold.She almost looked drowned in that,Betty thought.Inspite of the pressures and threats surrounding her like a second,omnious aura the queen liked fun and frivolity,she was after all a young girl.And she thought herself to be a matchmaker,pitting many of her ladies against fine lords and waiting to see how the romance turned out.It was a cause of entertainment for her to indulge thus and being the queen,she could easily order the parring couples to either marry or join them against other partners,either willing or unwilling.At that moment,Betty was generally getting more and more apprehensive of being handed over to the queen as her lady.She was afraid of being forced into the wedding match and of disobeying royal orders.She fervently wished and prayed she would conveniently be forgotten but that was not to be.
Her aunt ushered her into the queen's intimidating presence a few moments later and Betty actually quivered as the royal eye scrutinised her."She would do..take her in,Kathy and let's see what whe can do about her.."the queen then dismissed her aunt with a wave but Betty was glad to see a pair of welcoming eyes and sweet smiles as a girl her age took her along,"She is always blunt like that..don't you worry,dear..you will find her kind and caring when you come to know her better..!"
Life at court wasn't a great deal,Betty found out a few days later..there were always parties and hunts and picnics by the river or on boats,rich gowns and even richer food but then there were also hints of unrest,rebellion,war,marriage treaties which made the queen ill for days and reappear like a ghost with bruised eyes and stubby,bloodied fingertips.
One day,Betty looked up from her knitting when the doorman announced that the bard called Shakespeare had arrived and was awaiting the summons of the queen.She had been disquietened and irritable all morning following a bad night and meaningless dreams of dark faces,long eyelashes and boring black liquid intense eyes.Her heartbeat sounded strange to her ears..as if in anticipation of something..she was at once eager to find out what and afraid for what it would turn to be.She tried to hide her feelings under a wide hat as she followed her queen into the palace grounds where the poet was waiting.He was not alone..beside stood a tall stranger.He was dark,dressed in queer clothes and wearing a turban like a crown.His demeanor was royal,he held his gaze straight and looked restless,fidgeting with his bejewelled scabbard that hung proudly from his side.
Betty did not hear a word the playwright was saying to his queen except'Rana','my friend from India','an exotic land far east'.The queen was enquiring about the ugly scar on her guest's cheek and was being told he had been mauled when fighting a tiger.She stood as if turned to stone,staring mesmerised into boring black liquid pools that seemed suffused with a brighter,softer,more golden,more dangerous glow as they fastened and held her own green ones.Her erratic thoughts tried focussing around the word'Reayhna' but the stranger shook his head and enunciated 'Raahnaah'....A strange feeling filled her from tip to toe as she merged between aeons and times..a misty swather of winds and whorls and dreams and images..as if she had been caught in the passage of time and forced to pass through its sliding doors..
Now she knew what her majesty would do and she wasn't afraid of that,now..

But then,she had always liked her little romance.

Attempt at Art

2006-03-27T09:20:00.000+11:00

arvindh had asked me to post my sketches a long time back..almost all of what I had ever done are at my parents'house in Chennai..hope to search and get them this time..building up an album here,but takes time..I just finished with this..hope u r not disappointed,artist par..:)

Excerpts..

2006-03-24T09:49:00.000+11:00

Some passages in book really rivet you..u contemplate and chew upon the underlying fact or emotion which has prompted the author to pen his words thus..and as the elusive meaning dawns on you,the wisdom of light and truth breaks through and fills the mind with intellectual understanding and draws you further more into the quest of such knowledge..the knowledge of life...

A wise granny tells her confused granddaughter who is complaining about the ill-meaning behaviour of her stepmother who sends a broken down mixer as a gift to her.."All the more reason for me to have good thoughts about her....If she got bad thoughts 'bout me and I got bad thoughts 'bout her,then we both like sponges.We draw in the bad thoughts of the other and the thoughts get worse and worse and we both feel badder and badder.But if she got bad thoughts 'bout me and I got good thoughts'bout her,then when her bad thoughts arrive at my doorstep they can't get in.They can't hurt me.My good thoughts is like a shield around me soul,you see.And when those bad thoughts start coming they bounce their heads on that shield and they fall down stunned.And for a moment they don't know what happen.And then they get upand rub they heads and say,"Wha'?Wha'?Wha'?"And they rush back to the sender and say,"We can't get in there,we bruise our head."And whoever send those bad thoughts start to think.And she realize how much her own bad thoughts hurting.And more hurting because they come back with bruised heads.And it hurt and it hurt and it hurt.And finally she realize her bad thoughts only hurting hersef.And then she start to have good thoughts.And then everybody happy.'"
-Peacocks Dancing by Sharon Maas

If someone irks you and you definitely dislike or positively hate him/her,try to find out their positive points with an open heart..remember one kind word,gesture ,help you or someone else might have received from them and change your perspective..I have been trying for quite some time now..can't say about the results...but I feel lighter..life is too short to be carrying around burdens of hate..shrug it off and walk on..Smile at their ignorance if they are against you,as if their words or gestures could hurt you..rise above petty emotions and go on..
Do I sound like a self-help guru..nah..I want all those who read my words to reflect and if they can adapt this attitude atleast once in their lifetime because they are reminded of my post,what greater meaning for my words is there?..:)

Phlegm..?!!?Am reminded of Fleur!!;)

2006-03-22T09:00:00.000+11:00

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

Thanks,Poorni

SSSscarrrrr.....

2006-03-16T11:26:00.000+11:00

She watched the sun rise and sent him a silent salutation.The sun was the manifest God of her people..the Light which fought the darknesses of evil,the heat that gave life and so was the Father,the brilliance which made the ears of corn peep out from their stalks and grow juicy and tall in His benevolence.Then she hurried back into her wigwam...she had a lot of work to do today..her sister was getting married and she had to plait her braids for the occasion.She glanced at the half-awake form of her sister and smile as maternal strings pulled at her heart..her little one had grown and was now ready to have a home of her own.She liked her future brother,he was strong and a hunter and would love her kid sister.She shook herself out of her reverie and roused her sister by dousing her with a jug of cold-water.Spluttering indignantly,Shiawa glared at her but she dodged her insults by saying,"One last time,Sweet-face..Sun-father has been riding for aeons and you are still asleep and that too on your wedding day..if you don't get ready,I will take your place..!"
Shiawa looked at her sister who was more than a mother to her.."Ulari..When will u take a mate..is it not odd that being younger than you,I should get married first..isn't there anyone at the pueblo to your liking..Our father,the clan chief is always worried about this..worried he would have to force you sooner or later.."
Ulari replied,"Okay,big-sister..I'll heed your commands in a fortnight's time..now come here and let's begin the hard task of braiding your rough hair and making it look pretty."
She then started to part out the long,thick and lustrous hair into numerous little strands and threaded beads of different colors upto the forehead and braided it into multi-colored plaits with fine woollen threads and ribbons.She drifted away as she dreamt of a familiar face,with pale skin and black eyes with long eyelashes..and she blushed.Who is he and when will he come..but that is not imporant now as she returned to the task at hand and readied the bride.She tied a long dress made of many colored threads,patterned with eagle feathers and lovingly pleated with her own hands.Then she placed the matching tiara decorated with falcon tail-ends,considered very auspicious and declared her sister as the most beautiful bride on earth with glistening eyes and a choked voice.
She then moved listlessly throughout the ceremony,moving with dispirited limbs..or was it her heart..was something amiss..was it the pang of inevitable separation..or was it the premonition of something more momentous..she didn't know..
Just as the clan chief was binding up the cut wrists of the bride and groom for their blood to mingle and flow together as one for life..a cloud of dust from the eastern horizon caught the attention of all present and immediately the atmosphere of the joyful occasion turned wary as the clan was reminded of the Pale-ones who had been raiding their pueblos all along the mountains and raiding them,killing them with small fire-arrows that bore holes into the flesh and used bows unline ever seen..long and elongated and held parallel to the ground and forcing their people to flee their villages and out of their plains and farms.At clan gatherings,they had heard horrific tales of these beastly humans and how they had almost annihilated their Inca cousins,reaching as far as the fabled city of Macchu Picchu and stolen away all their gold and women.
All the terror came flooding back but they were relieved to find that it was a party of horsemen who held out their parley for friendship..an open palm held high..giving peace and amity..wishing for talks.However all of them were surprised to see a Pale-one in the midst of their own men..and were greatly intrigued by his presence..now,what could this mean?
But they welcomed the visitors with smiles and food and drink and bade them sit on comfotable rugs and passed the smoke around..as the guests were refreshed and relaxed,Uluri glanced at the Pale-one..who was looking around the camp and taking notice of their customs..he had an open,genial face and straight eyes that spoke of trust and truth..now,we can believe whatever this one says,I must tell Si-paru about this..Si-paru or Eagle-ferocious was the chief of the clan and her father.
She looked at the stranger's eyes,black and mesmerising ,fringed with eyelashes longer than hers,a strong yet gentle face and a scar on the right cheek..suddenly she was aware that he was conscious of her inspection and turned those black,liquid pools that shone with a new light upon her and she had a disconcerting sensation..A strange feeling filled her from tip to toe as she merged between aeons and times..a misty swather of winds and whorls and dreams and images..as if she had been caught in the passage of time and forced to pass through its sliding doors..
She then knew that her prediction this morning had come true..Scar-face had come for her..

But then,she had always liked her little romance..

More abt..

2006-03-15T09:10:00.000+11:00

As a rule,I dislike 'tagging'..tags tend to reveal more of you than you may originally intend for others to know..and I am afraid..;)..but this is for u,RC..and as u have mentioned that all days are women's days..I have taken the liberty to post about this International Women's Day tag a week later..

The woman I most admire-My kid sister

Why-
1.She is highly intelligent..poles apart from me..
2.She is very artistic.has a mellifelous voice,sketches life-like and has many more such qualities.
3.She is very lovable and is always concerned about her hairbrain of a sis(that's me!!)

Why not-(now,this has a double meaning;))
1.She is a jackfruit-very thorny..can't hide her barbs..and they r very prickly,too
2.She used to fight tooth and nail with me..now i find i am missing it..
3.She is still very childish and always very serious..though her writing does possess a sliver of dry humor.

And,she always does everything better than me..:(

Foods I like..
Now,that's easy..
1.Paavakkai pitlai
2.Javvarisi vadai/upma
3.Vathal koozh

And I generally like all veggie foods..

8 ppl I wud like to rag(in fact,i wud not like to rag anybody..but still u have to give in sometimes to the basest desires of ur heart!!)
1.My sis
2.RC(there,i return ur compliments)
3.My husband(he always teases me..i must get back someday!!)
4.One of my seniors in college(never got the chance of retribution)
5.My favorite cousin(she's so mum-mouthed..i wud like to rag her till she talks..)
6.My manni(can't remember the number of hours spent 'kadichifying' her..wud like to continue..)
7.My auditing lecturer(he was funny and interesting..knew a lot of things and made our lectures special..had always wanted to know more abt him..and by the way,i must add he was quite old..)
8.One of my other cousin..intellectual and pessimistic..his blogs r too much for my scatterbrain..i find it exhausting..and i always have to keep a dictionary at hand and he says,i inspired him when he was little..omg..he is one person i wud dearly love to rag..)
ha..finished it..been on my mind a week..happy,RC?

Strength..and peace

2006-03-10T13:35:00.000+11:00

On International Women's day(am two days late!!)..I salute and honour all the wonderful women in my life..women who have trodden thorny paths in life and have set an example for me and all the younger generations in my family..also women I deeply admire..for their strength,their tenacity,their courage,their sacrifice,their wisdom,their intelligence,their innate goodness..their love..there r women like this in every family...and that is the reason for all sustenance and all existence..for all family..for all society..for all world..
My mother..lovely and childlike
My sister..a veritable tigress,fierce yet gentle,highly proficient in Arts..alacrity and wisdom I am yet to develop..
My grandmother..she is the only one who asks to see me always and has always referred to me endearingly
My chithi..my surrogate mother..always calm and patient..
My Aunts(the wives of my uncles)..the first of which is a kindred soul..a piscean with similar tastes like mine..
The other..so kindhearted..always rushes to any sick bedside first..
My athais..there is a ahost of them..all of them unique in their wn way..very resourceful..hardworking..seeking to make the best out of their lives and raising wonderful children..
One of the..is a lady I most admire..always with good wishes for everyone..a smile and a gift ..a culinary expert,one who is,I am sad to say,in constant pain but never complains about it and instead talks about other's diffculties..an amazing woman..
My mother-in-law..kind and patient..she has given me the most wonderful gift ever..
My teachers..in my higher secondary..those who honed my knowledge and talents and have always encouraged me..inspired me to do my best in whatever i choose to do..
My friends..old and new..but never forgotten..each of them a wonderful flower..all acievers..lovely people
My daughter..funny,whingy..caring,thoughtful..(when I was seized by a spasm of coughing in the night,she got up and rubbed my chest and asked her father to get me a glass of water...sniff,sniff..tears of happiness..)..cuddly,girlish(likes to dress up in pavadais and jimikkis and chuttis and maalais and golusu..)and absolutely lovable..
To u all..for ur Shakti..that has sustained through generations and ur Shanti..that has prevailed to seep through our hearts in troubled times..

SSSscarrrrr.....

2006-03-09T08:33:00.000+11:00

She sat by the window of the train..contemplating images and visions as trees,houses,posts,pillars,goats and grasses whizzed past..as if having a weird momentum of their own.Soon,her eyes started watering and she turned away from the window into her book..but that too,she found tiresome and simply closed her eyes as the rhythmic motion of the train and its wheels sang to her a lullaby and pushed her into the arms of the awaiting sleep-goddess.
Pleasantly dreaming of beautiful vistas and handsome men,she woke up abruptly to see a pair of jean-clad legs hang down through the window on the other side.She stifled her scream of terror as the legs swung to the door and she heard the door of the train being pushed with a mighty thud and stared shocked into a pair of mesmerising eyes,black with long eyelashes..and which peered into her from beneath a muddy and bleeding face.She tore her eyes away long enough to note this stranger's appearance and couldn't decide whether to rue or rejoice at the fact that she was alone in this first-class compartment.She saw that the man could be presumably called young,was clad in a white shirt,the brilliance of which was streaked with dirt,mud and blood and blue jeans.Then,she decided he was safe enough,for in her opinion,people who wore white were definitely classy and had taste,loved cleanliness and order and were basically good.This man set out to prove her wrong when he pulled an ugly-looking jagged knife almost the length of her forearm and held it out to her..
"Please take this,I don't wish to harm you..Yours was the only compartment safe enough to enter and I trust you not to give me away..I am just an ordinary man,caught in the wrong place at the wrong time!" His eyes told the truth and she was satisfied.She bade him to sit and rummaged into her bag for her cotton make-up pads and a tube of dettol which she always had with her.The gash in his cheek was bleeding in trickles now but she could see that the wound had been deep and had bled quite a lot.She washed the wound with mineral water,cleaned away the scabs and applied the ointment.She then handed him one of her embroidered handkerchiefs to be kept as a pad.His gratitude shone in his eyes and it seemed she had been pivotal in returning his faith in mankind.He left without a word,she watched him go and was only then aware of the knife near her seat.She picked it up gingerly and threw it out of the window as far away into the whirring fields as she could.
A couple of years or three had obliterated this particular incident from her present memory.She had studied,gained new knowledge,started work,met new friends and life rolled on,uneventfully and quite joyfully,too.Oe evening her mother told her that a boy was coming to 'see' her and that the horoscopes had matched and if the boy and herself found a liking,they could go ahead with her marriage preparations.She submitted to this cheerfully enough,after all it was a common enough happening amongst her friends and cousins.She even found a shiver of excitement run down her back as the car pulled up on their porch.She stood on tiptoe to watch from her bedroom window and 'saw' the boy,better the man..ok for 'first sight',she decided..let's see how he talks and walks..she giggled and then admonished herself for this demonstration of girliness,but actually knew it was because she was nervous.
Formalities over,they were left alone discreetly..to talk their first few words together.He said nothing,just gazed into her with deep black eyes,fringed with long eyelashes..she decided she definitely liked the lashes and also the high brow,curly hair,some brownish smear on the cheek which she wanted to wipe away and a chin that she wanted to hold between her fingers and shake it this way and that..she laughed then and stopped abruptly,trying to hide the confusion in her eyes.He said nothing at all and looked at her as if he willing her to remember something..his gaze was still and serene,as if to bore into her and tapat her consciousness and her unconsciousness.
As the elders called out for him,he turned and left, not before pressing into her hand a soft cloth..she looked down to find her hanky..she had embroidered the pattern and so would know it anywhere.A strange feeling filled her from tip to toe as she merged between aeons and times..a misty feeling of winds and whorls and dreams and images..as if she had been caught in the passage of time and forced to pass through its sliding doors..

But then,she had always liked her little romance..

...theism

2006-03-06T10:04:00.000+11:00

Returning from shopping yesterday..hot afternoon..trees,grasses,lands,posts,houses whirring by ..past the window of the car..past the earhtiness of my vision..past the mundane grasp of my understanding ..past the random ramblings of my thoughts..past myself..as a bodily entity..as the culmination of thoughts..
The kinds of grass,the nature of trees and their numbers and their differences..the land,its fertility..its barrenness..the smallest of organic beings..the insects and bugs..the colorful butterflies and greeny grasshoppers..their crickety sounds..the birds..the color,shape,size,cries..the variety of them all..and yet,the sameness of them all..the flora..the sheer color,the inshades and hues and tinges and tints..and the fauna..wild and tame..unique yet alike..
Man..man..in his body shape,features,gestures,language,literature,arts..trade and commerce..life and regeneration..hunger,thirst and sex..moods,thoughts,inclinations and leanings,emotions and feelings...greed and apathy..compassion and generosity..complex relationships and expectations...taste and vision...auditory and nasal..physical motions of walking,talking..chemical reactions of metabolism and hormonic changes..diseases of body and of mind...a bundle of contradictions..a puzzle..an enigma..
The world itself..continents and countries,lands and oceans...flora and fauna..spring and autumn..day and night..
The sky,the stars,the sun,the moon,the planets,the comets,the galaxy,the constellations..the space..the space..
And there are some who don't believe in God..!!!Amazing stupidity..
Do I need to dig up my roots..the way I came to be what I am now..or reach for the skies and beyond..channelising all my disorientations into sprituality..into awareness of what I am really..in the other sense of the word..
Don't know yet..don't know when I'll know ..yet..
Vastness.multitude..teeming life..vibrant and joyful..each atom..each cell..pulsating..with life..with life..
But then,what is death..rebirth and karma..paapa and punya.and dharma...
every single strand of this tangles wool,this confused,chaotic fabric..undoes me..as I seek to contantly unravel this mad tangle to logic and a sense of..knowing..understanding..
A tiny voice deep in the recesses of my mind and buried long under the depressions and hopes,ecsatisies and despairs of my heart keeps repeating'love' and 'love' and 'love'..now,my heart and my mind..different or the same..sections of my body or me..what is me..my thoughts or my actions..where does the soul come into all this..
I try..I try.. I try to grasp at these gossamer strands..these tendril wisps..these dewy dreams...while going on about the business of life..

Histronic Hysterics

2006-02-23T09:58:00.000+11:00

She sits on the carpet..
Surrounded by her toys..
Two bears and an elephant
And two bunnies and three dolls
With her ABC book in the crook of her arm.

She teaches them 'Say aye,don't say a'
Copying perfectly my voice and manners.
Then she gets bored as the dolls keep looking at her blankly
And scatters them away and looks for another play.

The big armchair with its comfy cushions
Seems nice enough,she decides
And after gathering more cushions from the hall sofa
Sets to build a high,tottering cushiony tower.

She calls out to me to show her tower
And I exclaim quite as she expects 'Wow..super!!'
She is satisfied and lets me go back to cutting vegetables
And continues to be Princess of her castle.

But the princess gets bored,too
With no maids or knights to pay her attention
So,she jumps out of her castle and runs away
In search,again..of another play

She returns with a load of books
One she can hardly carry
She totters and stumbles and having forgotten the mad jumble of toys and cushions
Runs amidst them in full speed and ......falls

No wonder there,I had warned her of exactly the same..
And pretended not to have noticed..
As I went about my work
Watching her out of the corner of my eye.

She shook herself free of all the books,toys and cushions
Looked up at me with a woebegone expression..
Large widened eyes with just the hint of tears
And a little accusation as if reprimanding me to not having cleared her playspace
before she had returned.

Saw me looking at her
And burst into tears
And a loud wail
And'oova vanduthu'

Then she came to me
Hugged my knees
Demanding to be picked up
And to lay her head on my shoulder
And be consoled with'vondamma,oova vandutha..sariya poidum'
And other sweet words of nothingness and endearment

All the while shedding copius tears..

Then,as I give her a chocolate
And kiss away her hurts..
And all the parts she points out
Her elbow,feet,fingers,head..
She forgets and goes back to her play and is soon engrossed in her'teacher' mood..

Then the doorbell rings
And as I watch her
She scrunches up her face
Droops down the corners of her mouth
And as if by magic,fills her eyes with tears
To repeat her performance of the day...
To her dad...

Tongue Ticklers

2006-02-22T13:05:00.000+11:00

Usually unusual foods..foods that tantalise your taste buds and send them into a frenzy of mad,swirling dances or slow,voluptous sensory perceptions..foods I haven't tasted for a long time since childhood..little snacks and nibbles that also bring nostalgia along with the tanginess of unusual taste..foods that had to be had in childhood without care for hygiene or the quality of ingredients or the health factor as to how many nutrients r there in it or for that matter whether they will add to your lumps of cellulite..foods just to be had,tasted and savored and relished for the sheer joy of it..

My favourite tongue-ticklers:(order does not necessarily mean preference)-

kamarkat-small,hard honey-based rounded with a hint of coconut..had it during vacations at kumbakonam
small sugar based apples with the pink color staining your tongue and a little green plastic leaf at the top
strong peppermints..the size of a rupee coin
colorful sugar confectionery which was sticky and could be moulded into watches or butterflies or other dolls and stuck of ur hands or cheek
milk ices..just a small stick of freezed milk and sugar but the taste differed from th original..still don't know why!!maybe u have to make it dirty!!!
semia ices..colored juice sticks with bits of semia at the bottom..a poorer version of falooda
elathapazham..small,juicy,red berries filled into a cone sprinkled with salt and chillipowder..it was sour,sweet,salty and chilly all at once..
elanthavadai..dries flat pieces of elanthapazham and jaggery..
vaalberikkai..a sweet and sour berry
cucumber pieces rolled in chilly powder
beach mangai..heard a dialogue the otherday in a film..the hero warns the villain he would make a beach mangai out of him..tried cutting like that at home..!!!maybe u have to mix a bit of sand for that taste!!!
kulfi..late night desserts on the street..
sonpapadi..thin and wafery strips of sugar
exhibition appalam..large and thin,sprinkled with chillypowder
panjumittai..kind that sticks to ur hands and face and mouth..
masala poori..from one of the numerous bhel stalls at the beach
pani poori/golguppa..the best i have ever had is at Nagpur..
corn on the cob..nicely burnt in some places,dash of lime and chillypowder..

What is life if u cannot savor and taste it in all its saltiness,bitterness,sweetness,spiciness,sourness and pungence?

LOVE..and love...

2006-02-13T08:58:00.000+11:00

"Kaadhaladi nee enakku..Kandhamadi nan unakku..
Vedhamadi nee enakku..Vidhhai yadi nan unakku..
Podhamarra podhinile pongivarum theenjchuvaye
Naadha vadivaanavale..nalluyire..kannamma..
...........................................
Thaaraniyil Vaanulagil saarndhirukkum inbamellam
Oruruvamaai samaindhai..ullamudhe..kannamma!!"

What is life,nay dreams,food,music,laughter,joy..pleasure...sorrow..pain..without love?

"kaadhal poyin kaadhal poyin saadhal saadhal saadhal.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She was staring out of the window with glazed eyes..folding clothes,arranging papers,packing suitcases..deciding what to leave and what to take..does Appa fall into the category of being 'left'? She felt this question piercing her heart..what to do..how to ask..will it be possible to ask..she was lost in her thoughts..her arranged marriage to Shekhar,an only son of doting parents,a satisfactory if not very romantic life brought to an abrupt halt,just when she was in the process of knowing and understanding.. by his accidental passing way and she,opting to stay with his aged sorrowing parents rather than go back to her parents' home..her motherinlaw following her son too soon,unable to bear his separation..she taking up computer classes and a good job,taking care of Appa..settling into anice routine till Ravi came crashing down on her idyllic though isolated world bringing with him wondrous dreams and romance..he had completely won her over and asked her to marry him,burying all the past..now,does Appa belong to the past?..she had sought her fatherinlaw's permission and he had happily agreed,as he had long ceased of thinking her as his daughter bylaw..he had assured her he would be able to manage by himself..though he was sad to let go of the only companion he had in his failing years..he had been present at the Registrar's office,signing in as one of the witnesses..with tears in his eyes..happy tears..she deserved a good life..he thought,as he wiped his eyes..she cannot be burdened with me forever..
Today,she was packing up her belongings..to take with her when she went with Ravi..to the new flat he had purchased the week before..She didn't know what to make of the situation..she was sure Ravi loved her..he had been caring,gentle..letting her break away her insecurities and fears..being with her all the way..helping out when Appa had to be taken to the hospital..and she knew she loved him,too..but what abot Appa..he had been very thoughtful and considerate..more than her own father would have been and a bit brave,too..she thought..
Her day-old husband startled her out of her reverie.."Thinking about me..?",he asked with a playful smile..she shook her head and blushed..a feeling of tenderness and affection,love and joy sweeping through her,stranger she had been to such emotions of late..
He saw all her packed trunks and bags and asked her,"where are Appa's bags?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Thamveezhvaar mennththol thuyilin inidhu kol
thaamarai kannaan ulagu"

This kural applies only to people who have experienced it and find that it is true..a wow to Valluvar and Vaasuki..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one is by Sujatha.
He was surprised to see her,here of all the places..Would she remember him..it has been four years since college..what the heck,let's try...he thought and called out"Shwetha.."..she turned back..in a diaphonous movement,fliud and floating..lovely in white.."oh..!"her eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement and then,delight.."Karthik..is that you..what a wonder to see u here..what happened..?"
"a bus accident..four died..including me.."
"sorry.."
"but,why did you commit suicide?"...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can't bear to be parted?
Missing him/her every moment of time,every minute of the day..each second..?
Loving each single movement,each single word..the way the hair is being rumpled or pushed back,small nasty habits like nail-biting but lovable still..don't like the way the plates are kept dirty,the clothes strewn about..the constant teasing..but still would miss these eccentricities..thinking about a how a small gesture,a misplaced word,a grass,a flower,a colour,a material of cloth,a scent,a food..a feeling would remind you of him/her..love to bring a smile on that much loved face..watch the eyes crinkle up and light in laughter..the corners of the mouth travel upwards into a bright 'u' bringing sunshine into ur heart and ur life...think your heart,your very being would burst over with sheer joy at just a single loving word,a special smile..knowing that he/she lives only for you..
much much less and much much more..?

HAPPY VALENTINE..:)

Dirty?..Think again

2006-02-10T12:44:00.000+11:00

Two greasy,stained,filthy lads..no more than sixteen years of age..earnest young faces,bright shining eyes..looking out companionably under grubby faces..
It had been early in the night when our car ran a pucture,returning from a trip to temples along the Pondicherry-Dindivanam road and back to Singara Chennai..we were a party of seven,including my kid and my husband's grandmother,who was exhausted from the day trip..a bit of a drizzle had added to our troubles..but luckily,the puncture shop lay jst across the road..we were looking for a place to shelter grandmother and saw this shed..a ramshackle open three-walled room with tin sleds providing the barest of porches..a mechanic shed..the lads there brought out a rickety chair..which was safe enough to be sat upon and grandma could stretch out her numb legs..my husband gave conversation..the lads replied cheerily..no schooling after 5th standard,coming from one of the numerous villages dotting the countryside..brought here as apperentices..and to eventually,learn the trade..started by buying tea for the workers around...learnt the names and the uses of the greased tools..do tinkering,polishing,changing oil..earn 2000Rs per month,send the whole back home to their farm-labourer parents..as two meals per day and sleeping quarters ie the shed mentioned before are being provided by their employer..their hands were black,grimy and greasy ..their fingertips were hardened..you could see the calluses and ridges and bumps..I felt ashamed of my clean,white hands covered by jingling bangles and a gold watch..I hid them behind my back,along with the tears that welled in my eyes..
On leaving,my husband tried to give them 50Rs each..they smiled at him and said
"what is this,Anna..what have we done..We don't want any money.." and forced his hand back into his pocket..
What pride to say 'no' to money when it is being given,when you might really have a need for it,when you send all the money you earn to your family,when you might feel hungry sometimes and wish for a snack or tea,when you might want something nice to buy for yourself,like a pair of slippers..atleast..
And I had thought only beggars and people ready to cheat you out of your purse and pickpockets had proliferated in our country..
Hats off..guys,I don't know your names ..but may your kindred increase..
"Welcome to India.."

Of Vatha kuzhambu saadam and Ecstasy..

2006-02-09T08:27:00.000+11:00

1.A white melamine or plastic plate(material,design no matter,it shud have a white background..gone are the days of shining eversilver 4-people plates..sniff..sniff..coudn't pack them properly for overseas travel..as for banana leaf,i would love to eat in it but it's highly impractical what with or carpeted floors and its limited availability..u get it in sydney,but not here...:(..have to make do with small 1-people dinner plates..)..
2.Hot,steamy(the steam must warm r face) white rice..Basmati has a unique flavor,Jasmine is scenty but Old Ponni is preferable..as it does not allow other flavors to compete the curry..
3.Savory Vatral kuzhambu(vatha kuzhambu in common language,aka vendhiya kuzhambu or kaarakuzhambu..
the method of preparation varies in each household..an important ingredient iskaipakkuvam.. which our paaties and ammas can boast to have after years of honing their culinary skills..some are born with it..can have dried cluster beans ie kuthavarangai,dried sundakai or manathakaali(don't know the english equivalents..actually was flustered at Customs questioning..or just plain ulundu appalam.my favourite:D))..the oil..preferably sesame must be floating on top..reddish and glistening..the color shud be extremely appealing to the eye..
4.Plain,roasted..(gas fires r the best for sutta appalam..am unable to get the taste,that slightly burned smell of ulundu ..heavenly..on hot plates or microwaves..)urad dal appalam..two or three..shud me more than enough for each mouthful..
5.Mixing the hot rice and Kuzhambu with hand..a sensual experience none shud forego..the heat in your fingertips and the way you cool them by licking off..mmmmmmmmm)
6.Now for the real gratification..of your taste buds..the sweet sound of crackling appalam and relishing every mouthful of luscious savory rice..it shud be hot,chilly and you can enjoy it all the more..
7.Licking each bit of rice,each drop of kuzhambu off ur plate and hands...and sitting back with a sense of completion,contentment and happiness..
8.Finishing with a glass of chilled buttermilk,salt and asafoetida to taste,a spring of curry leaf..
8.Ahh..to the simple joys of life..
P.S- all the more wonderful if you are really very hungry..a real treat for all your senses..and for your rumbling stomach..
P.S-Contact me for the original recipe of iyengar vatha kuzhambu(it's different!!)..

Just names..

2006-02-06T12:56:00.000+11:00

Chandrasekhar azad,Bhagat singh,Rajguru,Sukhdev,Asfaqtullah,Ram prasad...just names in history textbooks..long forgotten after the primary purpose of examinations...
Rang De Basanti made me cry..I had not expected such a film..actually,I had settled down with a big bowl of hot popcorn(microwaved..so,hot!)to enjoy a fun movie with ARR's music to boot..the bowl is still there,lesser only by two or three bits..I sit watching the film with tears running down my cheeks..my mind,body,soul trembling..feeling hot and cold at the same time..the extremities of emotion..
The spirit of rebellion transcends time and age..most of the dialouges mouthed by the actors are stuff running about in everybody's minds..abt politicians being born corrupt,assimilating the evil from the mother's womb..and abt change that has to come from oneself..
Jaago..
Wake up..
Ezhundiru..Ezhuchi peru..
Re'veille-tu..
Arise,Awake..

Weep of the Week

2006-02-01T09:39:00.000+11:00

Getting ready to go...all excited..
Going..going..gone..heart wrenching..
Finally the dreaded day has come..I left my kid at pre-school today and walked back home witha leaden heart..sniff..sniff..not that she was averse to let me go..(didn't even take a second glance to check if I am gone or not..!!)..My legs seemed to walk on their own down the steps,leaving the place where I had left my heart,while my mind kept telling me that she would be fine,have whatever they give her,play to her heart's content,go to the bathroom without having any accidents,have a good nap in the afternoon ..and be happy altogether..that I have had her to myself for a longer time than necessary,if she had been in India ..she would have gone to school much much earlier than now..etc,etc..
But,but,but...I miss her..BOO HOO:---(
p.s-Wonder how ever did my parents give me away in marriage..!!

Out of the mouth of babes..

2006-01-31T17:47:00.000+11:00

My kid is an energetic little(sorry,got carried away by the moment..a little too big..)toddler..a mass of high-speed kinetic ball that upturns everything in its way..not unlike the notorious Katrina or Rita..I am constantly picking up dropped things and straightening upturned ones,..toys,booksfans,table lamps,phone..even a huge armchair once..I am terrified I am in the gradual process of turning into a perpetual question mark..
Today,my patience and good cheer were being tested sorely..and I shouted at her..she heard my angry tirade ..when will u stop,can't u ever be quiet for once,how long am I supposed to pick up after you ..am I your servant,etc,etc,etc..and after I had vented my steam off..came up to me and said"Amma..samattha iru..ipdi asada irunda,satham potta bootham vandu pidichindrum.."
Left me agape..she had turned my usual threat against me..to discipline her,I would say"baby,samattha iru..ipdi asada irunda,thooki pota bootham vandu pidichindrum!!!"
Children...got to be careful what u say to them...:)

Luck..and Happiness

2006-01-30T10:06:00.000+11:00

Lady Luck is a fickle woman..never know whom she will favor and whom she will turn over to her alter-ego(of course,I meant her twin,Dame misfortune..)Just hear this story of the Wrights who live in South Australia..
Fisherman Leonn and his wife,Loralee came across a chunk of whale vomit(yuck..!!)on a remote beach near Streaky Bay..though Leonn was game to take up the strange,solid,fatty object with them,his wife firmly refused to tow it in her vehicle.They came across it again,two weeks later,and this time took it home in Leonn's car..it turned out to be a 14.75kg chunk of ambergris,highly sought after by perfume manufacturers and worth about A$20 a gm..so their rock(or whatever it could be called..turned out to be worth about $295,000..(yep..swallowing the catch in my throat..!!)
And this one..An eccentric New Yorker had been living as a total recluse for years,allowing contact with only his sister and living by the telephone..after persisted persuasion from her,he reluctatly had agreed to step out and see the world..on his first,tentative steps,he got caught in the crossfire between two drug dealers and,died..
As for me..for a long time...had thought myself unlucky..little or no friends,lack of opportunities to pursue and hone inborn talents,delayed alternatives,lousy choices,bad relationships,everything a pessimist can mope,sulk and cry about as being prejudiced and dealt with unfairly...time has taught me with gentleness and mellowed me to look at everything with a glow and search for the positive side of even hard injuries and hurt feelings..I feel positively lucky now,in the chance I have been given to realise the silver lining behind the darkest clouds,the yellow ray of goodness and sunshine in everything and the joy that lies in searching and identifying the beauty within..I constantly condition my mind to affirm in my good fortune and have a strong conviction that "EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST"..
It's actually a very difficult practice(i ought to know..),just when u make such resolves to strengthen yourself,u will be dealt with further blows..as if to test ur mettle,as if to mock u ..to test your will power,your faith..your very foundation that everything is for good..how you overpower these obstacles determines your luck..
With a smile and laughter can you defeat the forces of fate out to get you..they will become powerless if you turn what they have intended for you..sorrow,grief,pain,hurt,tears..into unbridled joy,enthusiasm,delight,smiles and laughter..into happiness..
Hear another story..Shayne Richardson was skydiving in Arkansas,late last year making her 10th dive and first solo-jump with a brand new parachute when her main chute and reserve chute failed to open properly and she spiralled out of control,dropping thousands of feet and landed face first in a parking lot...she lived to talk about her horrifying sky dive when she had been travelling at 80kmph on impact..She now has 15 plates in her face after four operations,also suffering two breaks in her pelvis and a broken right fibula..read thru her injuries again..for she found out at the emergency room that she had been pregnant for two weeks..the baby has survived the about 3000feet freefall,the bone-crushing impact and the four critical surgeries and is due in June..(oof..just writing abt it makes my hands tremble..!!)
As luck would have it..:)
(stories taken from The Canberra Times.)

wish I was out there..

2006-01-27T09:11:00.000+11:00

Didnt know y I couldn't post these pics along with my post on rain....so added them as a new post..

saaral..thooral

2006-01-25T09:40:00.000+11:00

A drizzle..a drop..a fall..a pour..a shower..a sprinkle..a drenching..a downpour..a mist..a cloud-burst..
A rain..ever-been caught in it unprepared..without the cumbersome black flags of umbrellas and the heavy,rubbery raincoats or big macs..magical moments when u r one with nature..one with mother earth as she opens up in all her beauty and bounty and receives the life- giving blessing from the heavens above..a fresh,dewy flower..the weight of raindrops glistening ,bowing down the green stalks of grass..the light,playful breeze that sprinkles left-over rain by rustling the leaves of trees..the strong earthy smell that brings is a feeling of deep love for the land..the aftermath of rain....
And the rain itself..inspiration for countless lyrical odes,the moment of first-love sightings for heros and heroines,battle ground for raging bashouts..for portraying ultimate despair and unrequited wishes or as a toast to eternal love..rain is musical,artistic..and appeals to the creator,imaginator,dreamer,fantasiser..romantic in everyone..
My rainy moments..embedded in my heart as the drizzles themselves..rejeunevating me whenever I dig deep into the recesses and come out,feeling refreshed ..in the rain of my memories.. thought i would sooner record them in eternal print,as they r rather in danger of being squashed as I catch up on my years..
Playing with my younger cousins..esp thattamalai..in the soft drizzles,at Kumbakonam where I used to spend my summer vacations..the summer rain is an especial delight..as my thatha sat watching in the cool porch of my mama's house and patti invariably made bajjis or vadais..
Intermittent sprinkles which felt chilly and warm at the same time..in Bangalore..sitting at the Vidhan Soudha steps and eating hot corn,smeared with chilli powder and a dash of lime..hadn't had it since..
Rain in Madras..always a welcome respite..drenching while returning from school one day..bag wet..ink notes washed away..
Rainy afternoon spent in the balcony ..hearing "thenmerku paruvakatru' and feeling the drizzles on ur skin and substituting the heroine in that half-awake moment..
Rain once when in college..in Bhopal..left the Auditing lecture to stand outside in the rain with hands outstretched..it was a particularly hot day ..with rain came a sense of celebration..some score students and the lecturer had a gala time..finishing of with glasses of ginger tea and hot samosas from the canteen(bill footed by dear professor..)
Drizzles when driving..giving me sense of unlimited freedom..as if I could just spread my wings and soar away like an eagle towards the clouds and drench to my heart's content..(my right-eye lens got washed away to the corner and I was left with one-eye sight.I gave my mom quite a fright there when I told her afterwards...still drove on doggedly till my faithful scoty stopped in the middle of a busy road..tried kicking it to life in vain and then pushed it for some 2km till a mechanic came to my rescue..)
Rain..catching on us like a mischievous child..with a twinkle in its eye..as I walked with my week-old husband around the Kodaikanal lake..misty,blue mountains,tall eucalyptus trees that mingled their scent with that of the rain.."mudhal mazhaya en manadhil edo vizhugirade"..the stirrings of first love and companionship..sharing a glass of tea..ah..romance and..rain..
Rain..in which I played with my daughter..round and round the garden..stomping on puddles..sloshing our skirts..watching her boundless mirth and feeling a great blessing upon my life...never mind the slush and dirt and the slight cold we both caught afterwards..
The rain,now..as I watch from my backyard door..making pretty patterns and swirls and curls and turns and trips on the brick path of our garden and the verdant scenery washed and shining...
Rain..as I read Andal"Aazhi mazhai kanna ondru nee kaikaravel..oozhi mudhalvanuruvam pol meikaruthu.."
Thunder..as I tell my kid when she hugs me out of fright..that it is Krishna laughing up in the heavens..lightning ..a twinkle in His eye..and rain..the blessing He bestows upon us so that we may feel nearer to Him..
.."mazhayin thaaraigal..vanna vizhudugal..izhuthu pidithu vinnil serveno.."

Simply Perfect,Balu

2006-01-23T10:01:00.000+11:00

Been..am listening to the timeless voice of SPB..what's in his voice that feels like molten silver,poured into a golden cauldron of dreams and melody..
"Illamiyenum","panivizhum","kaadhalin deepam","enna satham","vasanthakala","kamban emandhan","kanmaniye","poovil","raagam thannam","thakita thathimi","andhi mazhai","samsaram enbadhu","keladi kanmani","irumanam konda","nallathor","kadavul amithuvaitha","uravenum","malare","sundari","kadhal rojave","van nila","neelavana","punjai undu"..am still melting..and there's still more..
Nothing like vinatge SPB to lull you,make u forget the world..intoxicate u into a dreamless stupor..relive and refresh..
Hats off,dear man..

Crossword puzzle/quiz/riddle

2006-01-19T09:52:00.000+11:00

Each time I buy the paper,I make a mad,undignified scramble to my favourite page and feast my eyes on the unfinished,pretty-patterned(over-enthu?..u bet!!),flat,rectangular,utopian world(every problem has a solution here..I am smug/complacent/self-satisfied abt it,now!!)where people wear japanese sashes called obis,live in taa(a chinese pagoda),led by an emir(arab chief),boss over esnes(slaves)and worship pagan gods like Ra,Odin,Thor..
The Oxford guide to Word Games calls the crossword the most popular and widespread word game in the world..(I am not surprised/amazed/astonished).There are those ordinary ones who just like to solve the crossword as part of their daily routine and don't worry too much if they are unable to answer a four-letter word for malaysian outrigger(itz a proa) and crazy fanatics like this woman who completed a 650-clue puzzle between contractions in a labour ward(and me,of course..who couldn't get sleep mulling over moor or brae(four-letter scottish hillside)..I was sure I had read it somewhere before but my intellectually-challenged mental faculties seemed to form a block whenever such mundane puzzles were being presented to seemingly insult them!!;-))
The first crossword seems to have been a Christmas gift from Arthur Wayne working for The New York World..he drew a diamond-shaped grid and fashioned a puzzled of 32 interlocking words he called the'word-cross'making its debut on December 21,19139(courtesy-Reader's Digest)
I,though a crossword buff,hate cryptic puzzles..my poor mind would be overtaxed and I live in constant dread that puzzling over a catacombic phrase would send me over the edge and I would end up in a sanatorium for crossword-driven crazy people..give me the simple,easy,quick ones that make your day..sometimes,though I go for ones like "the old west"..I haven't yet got the answer!!
The old age has for better or worse,passed away..crosswords use much of cross-words nowadays..(Being new to Aussie euphemisms is rather a disadvantage for buffers like me,but still..I love the challenge.."a morning greeting" would now be whaddyamate!!.. but,u can't give up the chance to constantly learn!!)the excitement and fulfillment lies in the unravelment of the entanglement of the knotted wool..or the hidden word..in this case..
Itz a new age/era/period/time/epoch for the crossword puzzle..words,phrases not included in the dictionary and brand names are quite acceptable as clues.."non-magical people" would surely stump people who Do Not Know as yet Of Harry potter..(u know the answer..)
It is heartening to delve into the etymologicals of everything we use as such,in language and the formation of words in all their sublime glory,not excluding the prefixes,suffixes,roots,passive and active, in their present and past states.. and fascinating to lead puzzling lives in a lexicological style..as long as there are words/conversational units/dictionary residents..
What do u think/cogitate/contemplate..?

0

Sweet Sorrow

2006-01-10T11:15:00.000+11:00

During my bus journey from Canberra to Sydney,my first storey window seat gave me a vantage view-point and I was able to observe people without their notice..the bus had just started purring when I glanced over at a family...the parents were ready to leave and the son had come to see them off..the mother was sweet,she wore a nice flowered frock and a rose hat and was diminutive in size...she hugged her 6 foot son as he bent down,a liitle hard,I could see her blue veins across her elbow as she held her overgrown child...she then,let go of him reluctantly and kept dabbing her eyes..the son had his back to me,so I coundn't see his face and know what he had felt at that moment..to see his mother,thus..
The father tried to make a joke about this,but he too..caught his son in a bear hug..first the two men caught each other on one shoulder and the son made as if to move away but his father caught him close and hugged him the other side,too...and all of them were rubbing their noses as if they had the sniffles...I liked to imagine that the parents were on a visit to see their college-going son and it seemed like it would be quite a time before they could all see each other again..
A poignant moment..this enveloped me in overwhelming sadness..over the years,how many goodbyes I had been thru,thanks to bank jobs in the family..friends,acquaintances,colleagues,comrades..from school to college..lovely persons I have maybe,never the chance to see again(inspite of my romantic optimism..)..
And with marriage came the parting of girlish silliness,mother's cooking,her soft lap where one can forget the world,father's litle jokes and the solid support...sisterly togetherness..of kith and kin..of near and dear..(It is but another post to say I have found a different kind of love..;))
And thru all the goodbyes..have I ever said the right words..thank you's and sorry's and love u's and miss u's..it is more likely that people mistake confused silences to be haughty indifference..u may be in a turmoil, u may find yourself at a loss for words,something large and heavy might be constricting your throat,your pride may stop you from expressing softer feelings,but I have learnt the hard way that u have to say that ,too..
Now,as I get ready to send my child to school..I mentally prepare myself for the long-list of goodbyes now that I would be facing..in the near and not so near future..and just pray for strength and wisdom to bear the sweet but inevitable sorrow of parting..with a smile on the face and goodwill in the heart..

Prayer

2006-01-10T10:45:00.000+11:00

Prayer...what do we pray for?Riches,wealth,comfort..knowledge,wisdom...love,friendship,affection..recognition,fame..safety,health,protection from calamity..specific desire fulfillment like wanting this job,marrying this girl/boy...what exactly do we think when we pray..
Prayer for me,is simple..a direct conversation with a higher power unseen yet to the eye,the image imagined by channelising projections pre-scribed thru stories,myths and paintings..
And I pray for every thing...silly ones like"Please god,don't let there be rain today,i got to go shopping!" and profound ones like"Please god,give me a state of heart where I can just pray to you and ask for nothing!"..
Be it granted or not,wishful prayer is a balm to the wounded heart,a warm solace to a confused mind,an orderly thinking in midst of chaos and confusion ..and a calm acceptance of what cannot be changed..

Oh,Lord!
Make me an instrument of your peace!
where there is hatred,love..
where there is mistake,pardon..
where there is disparity,unity..
where there is fear,courage..
where there is despair,hope..
where there is darkness,light..
where there is sadness,happiness..
let me sow thus!

This was Mother Teresa's morning prayer..

COLOURFUL...

2005-12-30T10:22:00.000+11:00

LIFE IS COLOURFUL..EACH THOUGHT,EMOTION,IDEA AND DREAM IS COMPRISED OF MYRIAD HUES..THIS IS TO CELEBRATE COLOUR IN OUR LIFE AND TO
WISH U A KALEIDOSCOPE OF A NEW YEAR...

What is Worthwhile?

2005-12-28T10:36:00.000+11:00

I am a self-confessed book-pest,one that devours books with the hunger of a starved dinosaur.Usually,history laced with fiction and fantasy is my cup of tea but this time,I found a real brew that refreshed and revitalised and that threw all my existing ideas into a turmoil and made me ponder on the vagaries of life and what really is worthwhile..
Warning-This isn't just any self-help book..!
Written by Anna Robertson Brown,somewhere in the 1890's,this little book has been translated into Japanese,went into 73 printings and has stayed in print for nearly 70 years.Big deal for a modest volume..but look at her opening..
"Only one life to live!We all want to make the most of it.How can we accomplish the most with the energies and powers at our command?What is worthwhile?"
"We cannot possibly grasp the whole of life.What is vital?What may we profitably let go?"
"We may let go all things which we cannot carry into eternal life."
LET GO
As this a yardstick,we can do four things-
Drop pretence
"Eternity is not for shams"
Drop worry
Worry,she says,is a fumbling ways of looking at little things and magnifying their value..remember the stone technique?The neares u look into it,the bigger it seems..throw it over your head and it vanishes!
Let go of discontent
"make a heroic life out of whatever is set before us."
Let go of self-seeking
"All things are for all."
KEEP,GUARD,USE
Anna writes of eight values to enhance life-
Be wise in the use of time
What shall we do with the time we have..not how much of it have we..
Value work
Ask yourself"Is this work vital,strengthen my own character,or inspire others,or help the world?"
Seek happiness each day
"If you are not happy today,you will never be happy!Strive to be patient,unselfish,purposeful,strong,eager and work mightily!And do these things with a grateful heart!"
Cherish love
"True love never nags,it trusts.."
Keep ambition in check"There is the great danger of substituting intellectual ambition for ordinalry human affections.Let us see to it that it holds a just proportion in our lives."
Embrace friendship
"It takes a great soul to be a true friend.One must forgive much,forget much,forbear much."
Do not fear sorrow
"Disappointment in life is inevitable..pain is the common lot.Turn it so that you may be able to understand,love and bless."
Cherish faith
Hold on to a strong,serene,unquenchable faith in the loving kindness of God..have it even if have nothing else and it will become everything.

These words appealed to me a lot and it was as if the author was reaching out to me,the hundred years or so between us becoming a non-entity..I,like Anna,believe life is eternal and our short time upon earth has a meaning..we should strive to spend each moment of our waking time in finding out that meaning and thus,into fulfilling our destiny.As Emily Dickinson puts it,we can "dwell in possibility",even if we lack the conviction.
Ask yourself,every single day..What really is worthwhile?
And satisfy in the specific knowledge of the answer you will get..that you will have found the meaning of your life..

Good Cinema

2005-12-21T11:37:00.000+11:00

A thoughtful,meaningful cinema is a rarity nowadays.A film with no frills,by that..I mean the mindless violence of a scrawny hero bashing out the brains of maybe a hundred well-fed thugs,a scheming villain with crude comedy to boot,a doll-faced and so-dressed obscenely-rich heroine who falls in love with the mechanic or locksmith hero of the masses..and so on and so forth..i have always racked my brains as to how people like and favor such films..maybe u just cannot think below some level..and how a really stupid film like 'chandramukhi'can re-write the history of tamil cinema...pathetic,really!
And I chanced upon a realtively low-budget film with not-so well known faces and a new director..but with a simple storyline and a distinct treatment of the same..good comedy,attuned performances by new faces and a healthy blend of friendship and togetherness in the face of odds,tragedy and comedy,hunger and dreams that is the curious quintessence of life.In simple dialogues,the director brings out the cruelty of hunger and need when chasing dreams..plain but emphatic..
And about love..it is just beautiful..the sensitive handling of that wonderful feeling between a sceptical heroine who longs for an independent life and a passionate creator of a hero whose life's ambition is to succeed in cinema as a director is advanced from a jarring note to a lilting crescendo of perfection...I must say here that the real tenor of background music struck me in the climax scene..
'Azhagiya theeye' is an atoll amidst the chaotic swirls of today's cinema..for long,I hadn't seen such a film that had evoked every emotion I could possibly feel...tears,laughter,tenderness,sympathy and love...yes,I did fall in love all over again with love with a ...
BOOM!

Just a minute...

2005-11-28T12:24:00.000+11:00

I am recently back from a visit to India..a trip that exhilarated and appalled me in turns...I was silently pondering about the idealistic views I had harboured for long and the stark reality therein..when this happened.
In the street where my in-laws reside..it's a quiet,homely lane with individual houses...there is a garbage bin at one corner,cleaned daily by the local corporation..I frequently watched,through the bedroom window as one maidservant..she would be about my age, throw the loose rubbish outside of the bin..a common habit found everywhere around the city,even with literates..a small,careless act that however led to scattering of garbage,invasion of street dogs and crows and flies and thereby,a general untidness and poor hygiene..
I got fed up one day and caught her in the act.I said to her quite gently,"see..if u throw garbage outside,it attaracts more flies and is scattered by passing vehicles..please throw it inside the bin.." .
She looked at me haughtily before replying,"what is ur business in this anyway..is this your house..I am not throwing it in front of ur house..why r u picking up a fight with me,etc,etc.."
I realised that things had taken a worser turn..I replied without showing my ire,"Yes,This is my house..my street,my country...if we can keep our house neat,why can't we do the same to our street..would u throw this rubbish inside your house..please remember that.."And,I left her,with a pounding against my ribs..fearing that she would make a ruckus..but she didn't,thankfully...
I had not expected my little speech to have had any effect whatsoever..as I watched her do the same thing,next morning and the morning after that,too..but I did feel a little sadness at the state of our people,how they refuse to accept the right way of doing things... in the foolish pride that it is their way which is right!
Now,this is for die-hard pessimists like you..arethusa, who are of the opinion that nothing in our country can ever be changed...
I had stopped watching the daily charade when that day,the maid servant's action brought a stop to whatever I had been doing..she glanced around furtively and then,slowly lowered the contents of her dustbin into the garbage bin quite so that not even a bit of paper fluttered outside..she went back in quickly...
And that is not all..the next day,I heard her chastising another girl who worked in the opposite house...for throwing garbage outside the bin...
And that,brought a smile to my lips and a ray of sunshine into my gladdened heart...well,that is a start,anyway...

Remembering Thatha

2005-11-28T08:00:00.000+11:00

Thatha passed away,it is since a month..and I am still to come to terms with this awful reality..no one to call'thatha' any more.Awful for me,perhaps...and I would like to think he is now without pain and free from all bodily cares..
He was a schoolteacher and much respected by his students,sincere and hardworking..he strived to make his family better,foregoing much of the comforts himself to provide for his kids,not withstanding his childhood struggles as an orphan.The fact that Thatha,though did not provide much material comforts but did maintain decorum and discipline in the family reflects in the deep love shared between my mother and her siblings..a sentiment that is becoming rare these days..
He was always there for us..making train and bus journeys to wherever we were currently residing(we changed a lot of places due to a bank job in the family)to be with me and my sister during our vacations..he took us back to our hometown and generally made our summer enjoyable.
He was a great story teller..my childhood is interspersed with his rendering of the Ramayana,Mahabharata..of Hinduism...of Thayagaraja and Purandaradasa..of the Prophet and of Christ(I will let u on a secret here..my young mind then,had been so influenced by his rendition of the crucification scene that I had wanted to possess a picture of Jesus..a heresy unheard of in our orthodox family..but then..it was a momentary fantasy..!)..of Akbar and Aurangzeb..of Gandhi and Tirupur Kumaran and Vanjinathan and Bhagat singh.of Subramania Bharati and V.O.Chidambaram..Of the atrocities of British rule..of how he,along with other fellow students were made to salute the British flag in the town square..he was the inspiration that fed me a lingering love for literature,history and a deep feeling of patriotism.
He took me to a lot of places,temples..all along the Tanjore belt region,famous for Chozhaarchitechture..Tanjore,Thiruvarur,Thiruvaiyaru,Pateeswaram,Koothanur,Poompuhar....rare and hoary temples ablaze with tradition and history..
He was the guide who lead me into the magic world of the printed word where I still remain a slave..he used to buy for me a lot of Amar Chitra katha books ever since I could read..from the early age of five and infused in my blood a life-long passion for books.
I know,Thatha..that u r free now from the pain that ravaged ur body making ur last days a living hell..but I will miss u..
But..u do live,My dear Thatha..in the story'kozhu kozhu kanne',a lovely poem with funny lyrics about a fly who wants to know his name,I recount to my kid ...in the lullaby'mannupugazh kosalaithan'originally from the prabandham..a lullaby for the Lord himself,I sing to my daughter,one that u sang to me when I was a child..in my love for language,Tamil,history and books..
Viva Dear Thatha..and hope u smile from heaven upon me and all ur other grandchildren..

Ilakiya Kaadhal-II

2005-11-18T13:51:00.000+11:00

The summer sun scorches my balding head though I am wearing my ferez,but I have to plod on..with the mundane tasks of managing a life..ageing as it is...I am returning from the bank after collecting my monthly pension that falter upon the steps and would have fallen across the oncoming traffic had not a pair of strong arms cradled me and brought me to shade and safety..I squint my wrinkled eyes and see a startingly familiar face...could it be..no,no..for me,everything seems to possess a shade of her..trees,clouds,flowers,even grass and now..people..I shake at my head at myself indulgently..I am hanging on to the last few shreds of memory,like the child with a melting ice-stick,like a hungry man on to the last few grains of his food...
This young man takes me to a nearby restaurant,buys me a cup of coffee and behaves so singularly that one has forgotten what it is to be human at all..he seems to have taken a liking to me....it so happens sometimes,does it not..that total strangers give you the feeling of quiet and easy companionship at some point of acquaintance...he is deriding the summer heat,how cool it is where he is from,on a short holiday to meet his grandmother who is on her deathbed,to say his final goodbye..how he is her pet,the pranks he used to play with her,her delicacies,her innate cheerfulness,her literary knowledge,her wisdom,her quiet dignity and on and on and on..his boyish prattle brings a smile to my lips..he is obviously much influenced by this grandmother of his...
I invite him over to my house which he promises to do before leaving the city...he sees me off with solicitude in a rickshaw and as I look into his retreating back,my thoughts lead me,as they often do,in a mayhem of chaotic swirl...of mixed feelings..of warmth and his companionship and a cold vacous hole..of love gained and love lost...of what life would have been and what it was now...of what was right and what was wrong..of fulfilled love and unrealised dreams..of deep chasms of longing and the abyss of despair...such labyrinthine thoughts overlapping each other and out of the confused muddle,of flowers..particularly a light-scented,soft-hued,douce-petalled one..of charu..
And the last I had seen of her..that long-ago farewell day..on the steps leading to our ayya's library..watching me come over with apprehension..with those eyes...god,I had wished then for a tada on liquid large eyes,those that haunt me even now.. eyes seeing my stern face devoid of any emotion,her eyes..please,not again...I could not face her searching gaze,probing deep into my soul for a bit of imagined tenderness..I had silently pleaded with the ceaseless monster of time to stop gnawing at that wonderful moment,that dew drop tethered precariously on the flower of eternity..so that I could just gather her flowerlike existence onto myself,surround overselves with a barricade of our arms,enveloping us in the cocoon of love and us,us and only us..pesupporul neeyenakku pennumozhi nan unakku..shielded and protected in our fortress against the marauding world....oh no..i couldn't then....face her questioning eyes any longer as I had been afraid of baring open till I had reached the core of my heart....I averted my guilty eyes and with a straight back,told her harshly..in a voice that hardly sounded like my own..that she was mistaken and had never been any more that a co-student and that her love was probably a girlish feeling... that would diminish in time..You had turned on me roundly at that,"you have just told me what u think of me but you can't tell me what I should be thinking of u..that is my freedom...and thank you,for being frank!".you had then,left me hastily..and ..in the shade of the advancing darkness and the retreating last few rays of the sun ..I had sat down and.cried..
I had not known how long I had been thus..hunched over your diary..now my most precious possesion,I had not known whether you saw me thus..I thought I had heard leaves rustling.had thought you had come back...and had looked up to see only darkness and had felt the chill of the night air even more that day,that minute,that moment...
That boy did come over to see me,in my dinghy back-street house..to bring me the news of his grandma's death..of her final moments when she had seemed to repeat his name over and over..I asked him about the exact words she had murmured,he said it had definitely sounded like'ishyma'whch everyone had taken to be 'shyam'as her favorite grandson was named...
I comforted him and saw him off...
I returned to an empty house with an empty heart...with no one to comfort me...
I knew whom she had called for..
indha vaiyagam moozhgi thuyilinile,naanoruvan matilum..pirivenbador naragathuzhaluvatho..
She had come back after all...and known...
And now,you know,too...

Ilakiya Kaadhal-I

2005-10-24T12:13:00.000+10:00

Call me Ishmayil.I am now going to bequeth a cherished memory..one that has sustained me all my life...one that I am afraid I will lose to my octogenarian failings...
It seems like almost another lifetime itself..when I was young,free to pursue my dreams, not as yet unburdened by the impassiveness of life.. not as yet unfettered by worries..where the mind is without fear and the head is held high..My passion those days was tamil literature.I collected volumes of 'sangakaala' tamil poetry,of manimekalai and seevaka chintamani ,of thi.ja and akilan... in my head...carrying them around long after having read them.I could be found day in and day out at the big study cum library of my tamil professor'ayya'as students used to call him..he would be highly pleased at my inflamed interest and temerity to question the finer points of language as used and modified by the scores of authors we would debate,discuss,admire,criticise and eulogise..there were usually three of us who would carry on these deliberations without awareness of the passage of time..ayya,myself and a sweet-faced angel called charu...her looks belied the fierceness that lay beneath..to me,she seemed a multi-layered,multi-hued flower that enchanted everyone with its beauty and fragrance,I relished her barbs too,taking them to be thorns defending her flower-like existence but I was on my guard immediately when I found myself thinking of her in such terms..I was not irresponsible enough not to know about the power of love...
She had never spoken to me directly except during our studies together..but was I deluded in that one second when we first saw each other that a lightning did pass between us..yaayum yaayum yaazhaagi..yes,perhaps..I kept all my thoughts bound by constantly reminding myself that nothing can ever happen,keeping in mind all the constraints of religion,class,status,etc..This ,however led to me behaving almost gruffly,even if she had asked a perfectly harmless question..my stone-faced anwer and brusque manner,I noticed, more than once had made her large eyes to fill-up,look at me bewildered,like a lost doe and walk away dejected..making me feel like the worst villain..!
Time has no such considerations..it has its own clock to follow and it does so,most ruthlessly... and before I knew it,the time had come when we would probably never be seeing each other again..I had hardened my heart,determined to behave like this earth-shattering event is not going to affect me at all..
She was wearing a light-pink sari,looking all the more like the enigmatic flower I had envisioned her to be ,in the recesses of my heart....vaazhi anichame ninninum mel neerall yaamveezhbhaval..
She came straight up to me...it seemed she had eyes for no-one else that day or I so imagined...she handed me a book and said, "please read this..and after u finish,meet me at the library,I am waiting there.."..and she was gone...was it a dream..no,I had the physical remainder..
It turned out to be a book full of love poems,of longing and belonging,of trust and heart,of woes and sorrows,of exhilaration and ecstasy..and all those feelings asociated with timeless love...all written by her..she had ended her outpourings with..yaamumullemkol avar nenjathem nenjathu ohoh ullare avar..why has she given them to me...could she really..how can one ever describe the rapture and gratification when he knows he is the beloved of his beloved...I am the one bewildered now,confounded,delirious and in abject despair..I can't say yes,I can't say no..one rational imp kept poking me..it is not possible..your ways are different,religion,caste,status,family... why even that tamil u share a love for,is spoken differently,u have to take care of ur family now,u have two sisters of marriageable age,u have old parents..will charu fit in our circle,our customs,our festivals,our food....one lovely angel prodded me on...u see..she loves u,nothing else matters..u can live together and life will be a continous bed of roses,never mind the thorns..u can pluck and throw them away together,it said...
After an agonising hour,I stood up...I had made my decision.

'Old-fashioned' values

2005-07-14T15:34:00.000+10:00

Now..i got a bad conscience(surely,i didn't mean u,arethusa!!)..y did i post a trite and oft-repeated story abt honesty...aren't there either serious or funny enough topics that demand more attention than an old story...well,here's the reason behind it...
I was shopping at the supermarket with my kid in tow(that is,pram)when suddenly there was a commotion ahead of me at the counter...a mother-daughter duo were loudly arguing about something and using choice words...other shoppers looked away awkwardly with incredulous looks on their faces..by and by we came to know the gist of the problem..the daughter was caught shoplifting and was having a hide-down by her mother...yes,it is fair that she should be disciplined but not in front of everybody...in the end,i felt the mother was as much to blame as the daughter herself.
Y is that so...can we then go on blaming our parents,ancestors our faults in behaviour and flaws in our character..i cannot do things right..it's my parents' fault...kind of attitude?
Much of the older generation today keep harping about loss of basic human values..but do they set an example of themselves..how many of them would have admitted to a fault..big or small...or said they were ever sorry ..?

'Owning up'is a hard task..but in the end,trust in one's own self is an admirable trait..isn't it?

Honesty

2005-07-12T10:30:00.000+10:00

A Small story that influenced me:

A boy,some eleven years old was helping out in the garden of his home..pruning and weeding.He began to cut down unwanted weeds and grasses with his sickle and wasn't really paying attention to what he was doing.Suddenly,he found that he had cut down a cherry sapling that was his father's favourite,in the mindless momentum.The father,a very strict man,had planted this tree with his own hands and watched its growth carefully.
The family was shocked and stood helpless,fearing the father's reaction when he would be home from work.The boy just laid down the cut tree on the family table and waited.
When the father came home,the first thing he saw was his favourite plant all wilted on the table.He looked around and asked,"Who did this?".The boy replied"It was I,Father..but i didn't do it intentionally..it was a mistake".
The father said"It's ok..just be careful next time".
The boy was surprised,"Aren't you mad at me?"
The father replied,"No,if i punish you now,you would fear to tell the truth for ever.."
The boy learnt the value and wisdom of truth and grew up to be the greatest statesman of America-George Washington.

Single State-A true story

2005-07-05T02:05:00.000+10:00

Brain clogs at Repose and Retrospect....
7:30 A.M
opened one eyelid lazily(ah..a few more winks, perhaps)..glanced up to the clock and realised that(secretary's voice-sir..u got a meeting at 830am tomorrow) at exactly one hour later..had to be present at an executive meeting(blah,blah and damn that idiot of a vice president determined to implement fascism at office level..)...cursing the time spent watching rugby live late night(wow,what a game...felt alive after many days..)or a nice,mushy movie(what's life without love,anyway..)...and rushing thru washing,cleaning and namesake bath(toothpaste empty..forgo flossing..and y is the shower so slow)...
8:45 A.M
empty stomach grumbling with acidity of instant coffee(ugh..black and bitter..),search keys(..lift key,car key,house key,office drawer key..and getting keyed up at the thought of exiting from the underground garage which winds up its way to the caterpillar of a traffic like somewhere up the Himalaya..)already running late(have to endure rude stares and accusatory glances..)..rush thru morning with the hazy perception of a marked deer...thru meetings,brainstorms,ideas,increasingly stale cups of coffee and tea,boring lectures,unwanted advices,self-important personas,rubbing off edges and dodging bubbling confrontations..
1P.M
time for a quick bit..dash off to the opposite bakery for a tomato,cucumber,no fat spread and thin pieces of crusty bread,finish it with water and rush back for another repetition of morning madness...
7:30P.M
scrapes back the chair off the desk,stretching aching muscles,rubbing bleary eyes..picking up to leave..when the intercom buzzes form the boss's cabin(in half a mind to slink away as if not heard..,but bearing promotions and payraises..against protesting body and brain),dragging thru another two hours of reports and files...
9:45P.M
entering into an untidy house,hanging with the ghosts of morning rush,dry,stained coffee mug,clothes strewn as if in a weird dance..stomach rumbles long forgotten..musty indoor smell of unwashed linen and unvaccummed carpets and dank dishes..
Noticing only then the single wilted rose,drooping sadly as if the weight of the world were upon its frail weedy shoulders,colors gone and drab and lifeless in the vase..forlorn and pathetic..a sudden flash of an innocent smile and the cheerful face of the kid next door..of life and color..of flowers,sunshine and green grass..of laughter and music..of art and books..of people and places..of mountains and lakes..of love and warmth..of companionship and comfort..and of all is missing from this today...of decadent progress..
11pm
Typing off a resignation letter...browsing thru travel brochures,allowing a grin spread across the face and heart..dreaming of a long hiatus and ...of finding love....

Post scriptum
Went off on a holiday,spent time among trees and lakes,met a wonderful person..married happily and settled in an undemanding job..returnig to a house filled with laughter,kids and love...

Janani Janmabhoomi

2005-06-28T14:01:00.000+10:00

I saw..rather'experienced' Shankar's newest fantasy flick..today and i am burning with a fever that once consumes every Indian..be he self-respecting or not..be he that loves his country not withstanding all the rampant corruption,lawlessness,squalor and every other 'dirt' that has come to symbolise his beloved country...
Now that i live away from my land..i feel at once the thirst that continually ravages at one small corner of the heart like a fetid sore ..the only balm being familiar faces..the twang of ur mothertongue and the kaleidoscope that is only India..u may think probably well that all this is very nice to be raving abt when ur far away..when she faces pollution,grease,unpotable water..she will know..yes..i do know now too....but that's a small price to pay,or so i say!!
Shankar has been challenging my neurons from the time he made his foray into films thru'Gentleman'..he tries to make a statement..provides fair enough solutions like'self discipline' and 'honesty' first in oneself than to expect the same in others...he continued plaguing my uppity in'Indian','Mudhalvan'and now'Anniyan'(kudos,Shankar..way to go,man!)..that brought me to serious questioning...Y in the world we couldn't rise over corruption and nepotism when smaller countries with considerably lesser human and natural resources tide over wars and bombings and eathquakes and typhoons and maintain such quality in production and lead world markets and dictate economies?Howsoevermuch we may dissect the problems and postmortem failures and invent excuses...what r we lacking at all..?
Is it 'self discipline'..each man to his own....?
We r afraid of owning up..shouldering responsibility..preferring sidelines and impassivity rather than to lead and question and change...I find that in this part of the world where i am now in.. people accept faults,be sorry and rectify immediately...and their ancestors r thieves and cuththroats..prisoners flung from their country over the seas to fend on their own..how did they learn discipline and courtesy...when these people can do it..y can't we when we can boast of a hoary heritage of being one of the earliest civilizations ,ancient languages and vibrant culture?
And then..r 'alters'then the permanent panacea to the evil of corruption and lawlessness..many a time i have felt strongly within myself that should i be powerful enough to question authority and those who misuse power and those who slacken in their duty..i would do it...many of us would have felt it when encountered with terrifying situations like eve-teasing,bribery or waste of precious time,money,effort due to either slow or non-functioning of the government machinery..the power itself concentrated in hands corroded with soiled currency...the list is endless....
It's all very well to feel strongly and talk abt this passionately thru electronic keys..but is there something we can do..start in some small way...i read abt a youth forum in Chennai..doing good things anonm...we can be a drop in the ocean..but still it would be significant......something we can undertake to do personally when we visit our country...
For all that we r..we remain..Indian ..at heart...

Best Friends

2005-06-21T02:36:00.000+10:00

I have an obsessive compulsive disorder abt books..i have to have a book in every room of my house..and i need to be reading them..my steps take me unconsciously to the library once i am drunk with them and bring in a lot more of these intoxicating,alluring beauties....and apparently dull my senses with their sheer magic..and dream away into far unkonown and untrangressed lands..
My hoarding instincts largely relate to books and i am absolutely unable to just walk away from a book-shop,knowing well the cost of my indulgence..i may cringe from buying an absolutely necessary wool-coat(cbr is really cold...brrrr)but would gladly buy books for twice the amount!!
ok..now to the crux of my post..arethusa would vent her ire if i delayed this any longer...
This has been a difficult list to make...every book i have ever read till date r my favourites..i am being unjustly partial by this list,and i am getting emotional over it..u wouldn't believe me if i said that i have been awke at nights to add and cross-out,trying to remember the names of books i have found to be great reads but thanks to my abysmal memory...and whittled down to the following..
u will find a lot of fiction-fantasy,history and epic...and a few classics..sadly,this is all i have been able to manage ever since i have entered my utopia of books..
Books recently bought
(for over a period of a year)

The lord of rings - J.R.R.Tolkein
Harry Potter(five +one preordered) - J.K.Rowling
Tintin(4) - Herge
Much loved Fairy tales - Hans Christian Anderson

Books I am reading now

The betrayal of Arthur - Sara Douglass
Beyond the hanging wall - ""
Zelda's cut - Philippa Gregory
Queen's fool - ""
The eagle has flown - Jack Higgins
The dogs of war - Frederick Forysth
The gold of cuzco - A.B.Daniel

My favourites

The Ramayana,The Mahabharata

Timeless epics..by Rajaji..a comfort to me in joys and sorrows..i go back to them as a mother's lap

Swami and friends

A truly delightful tale of childhood innocence,fears and friends..R.K.Narayan draws from life...though i also like The financial expert and The bachelor of arts..Swami is my personal favourite

Little Women

A most heartwarming account of the travails and simple joys of the March family ..the togetherness of family and their fortitude..Jo March is my inspiration ..L.M.Alcott

Autobiography of a Yogi

A profoundly spiritual book i am deeply in awe of...explains miracles as everyday happenings and in detail,delightful in recounting boyhood and the journey into higher worlds.....Paramahansa Yogananda

Pride and Prejudice,Emma

Laced with wit,embroidered by warm tugs at ur heartline and hemmed most beautifully with humane emotions ...Jane Austen's fabric is a delight to wear ,every time..

Room on the roof

A coming of age book....RuskinBond transports me to snowy mountains and wooded glades...

The Good earth

A most poignant story of survival of a farmer in drought-ridden China..an insight into their customs and way of life..not very different from our indian farmers..and the decline of values directly related to increase in wealth..retrospective...Pearl S.Buck

The Earthchildren Series

Prehistoric Europe,customs and traditions,spiritual worship,hunts and gatherings...life after the ice-age,the beginnings of civilisation...Jean M.Auel makes me feel as if i am Ayla..and i traverse thru her paths just as boldly,skillfully and enchantingly.....

Twelfth Night,Comedy of errors

Comedies of William Shakespeare r what i like best..though i have read most of his works..

River God

Intrigue and mayhem,Wilbur Smith paints an ornate canvas of power,kingship and betrayal in Ancient Egypt..The seventh scroll and the Warlock r equally satisfying to me,passionate as i am of early civilizations and egyptian lore,esp.

The Complete adventures of Sherlock holmes

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's brainstorming detective is my fave too...subtelities of crime and the mental prowess of Holmes astounds and amazes...221b Baker Street,the set of rooms,hansoms and cabs on the streets of early London....the image is indelible as does the effect his deductions create...

Charles Dickens

well,well,well...i have saved the best for the last..i am dickensian in character so,there is no surprise that my penchant lies in his prolific works...Tale of two cities, David copperfield, Nicholas Nickelby, Oliver twist, Pickwick papers, A christmas carol..all r my favs...melancholy he may be,but humane and intensely observant of the oddities of life...

The following r broadly categorised from other books that have affected my imagination-

War and peace,Anna Karenina -Leo Tolstoy
Jane Eyre- Charlotte Bronte
Wuthering Heights -Emily Bronte
Tess of D'uberville- Thomas Hardy
The Last enchantment- Mary Stewart
Hades' Daughter,God's concubine -Sara Douglass
The mists of Avalon- Marion Zimmer Bradley
If Tomorrow comes- Sidney Sheldon
Not a penny more,Not a penny less- Jeffrey Archer
Icon- Frederick Forysth
Lost horizon
The hunchback of Notre dame- Victor hugo
East Lynne - Mrs. Henry Wood
The last of incas,machupichu- A.B.Daniel
Anne Frank- Miep Gies

And so the list goes on and on and on.....Kalki's Ponniyan Selvan, Sujatha's En iniya iyandira, Santilyan's Ramanujar,Vaali's Avathara purushan, Pandavar bhoomi....

Thank u for reaching the end....which is but,the beginning.......:)

Baby Rhapsody

2005-06-16T11:53:00.000+10:00

U think..Oh No..there she goes again..its abt her kid..well,what so new abt it anyway..but what i write abt is the feeling every mother since time unkown(or since the time the first ever baby was born..is it cain or abel..i dont know!!)has been,is and will share with me ..the purest feeling of love..simple and unadulterated..most importantly..love is in most pristine..most softest..most colorful form ever imaginable..the love of a small child that asks nothing in return..(not that we can ever dream of giving it back the same way..)
What happened was that..she had been reading a book and i was doing dishes..tired,flustered and angry at the mess in the kitchen,hall,bedroom,closets,bath,everywhere and thinking abt the enormous amt of work needed to be done to tidy everything up...i was very irritable and a perpetual frown planted itself between my knitted brows..i was ready to flare up at anyone who dared ask anything of me then..i did not notice her at all and was nearly tripped over as i turned back from the sink..she had been watching me and waiting to finish my chores..she just sided up to me,pulled me down to her size(literally,she made me feel small then),gave me a very sloppy kiss and said'i love u,mom' and hugged me a little more and walked away..just like that..
i stood flaggerbasted...how did she learn to tell it so endearingly..gone was the black cloud of my anger..puffed away by that burst of sunshine and gusty wind...i never even knew before that she could tell those magical words....
Well now she has taught me to treasure the little moments of happiness and not be bogged down anytime by drudgery and take life as it comes..
Thank you ,my little angel and Thank you ,God for giving me her...

What is it all abt?

2005-06-16T11:26:00.000+10:00

Let me apologise first for taking on a political hue(but i am forwarding my views as a layman..)
I came across an article which frankly to say,disturbed me..(not that i am always very interested in what is going on around the world..)Let me quote from it..
"..On May 23,in a series of events that most of the world is yet to comprehend,George W.Bush was rendered a 'lame duck'President,just four months into his second term,as a move led by Vice President Dick Cheney to carry out a cold coup by destroying the functioning of the U.S.Senate..."
This attempt was thankfully defeated by a bi-partisan group of Republican and Democratic Senators(whether they knew or not the implications of an out-of control presidency..and in the hands of Bush Jr at that!)
What Cheney was clearly trying to do was to break the will of the Senate(for without the Senate's approval,the President may not decleare war,nominate cabinet or judicial appointments,nor negotiate treaties).Now,why does he want to do this?
Everybody knows that the U.S. entered the Second World War because of Japan's pre-emptive strikes on Pearl Harbor..till then it was quite content to watch from the wings the steady rise of Hitler's Germany and his Fascist policies..
What is going to happen to countries that defy U.S in terms of unilateral trade or nuclear armaments?Are they going the Iraq way..and what is The extra ordinarily long proboscis of the U.S achieve thru all this ?
And will all the countries supporting the U.S in its war policies continue doing so..?
Having said that,I also appreciate the bold move taken by the G-7 to eradicate poverty in most of the third-world countries by writing off their huge debts and thereby allowing the governments to spend more on health and sanitation issues plaguing these countries.
So..what is this post abt,anyway..(u r tempted to ask..)..well,just my thoughts regarding smthg i felt abt strongly enough to publish a post abt it!!!

2005-06-16T10:51:00.000+10:00

Congrats..Shyami....for ur outstanding results....may u keep up this high standard forever...
ALL THE BEST OF LUCK

from
Malu, Giri and Annu

Life without contacts

2005-06-09T13:18:00.000+10:00

They r my soul-mates..they present me the world of myriad colours and sharper angles...they boost me up,they make enigmas crystalline clear..they hide my greatest weakness and always look out for me,shading me from harsh lights and hidden dangers..
Yep,u guessed right..they r my pair of contacts and r of such utility to me that i thought they deserved a glowing eulogy...
The burden of having a prominent dent on ur nose and bent ears seems far away now..gifted as i am from a very miniscule age,of myopic power that grew incessantly year by year,not corresponding even remotely ..to either my physical stature or mental prowess!!
Glasses r aesthetically incorrect(whoever heard of soda-buttis becoming fashion accessories!!)These hide ur natural beauty(ur doe eyes become squintier and ur long,black camel eyelashes stunt)and ur original intellect(u r presumed naturally,to be a genius or a dud..no moderates allowed!!)
Being in the sports nation of the world,I am constantly asked abt my games preference and what do i excel at,etc....I am only reminded of a forlorn kid in the playground left out of boisterous games like throwball,volleyball,basketball or even a simpler one of catch-catch becoz in the heat of real game,her glasses would fall and shatter themselves and her fragile self-c0nfidence:--(..she would retrace her steps to the library and generally score As in history and english and Ds in physical activity..sports became something like a piquant dessert..to be taken for courtesy sakes!!
Contacts r a different story and they rebuilt a whole new me...i now play badminton in the courts and do work-outs without any fear of odd looks,askew glasses or loose screws...
Pale-blue,floating and ensconsed in their tiny jewel-box,they get me waxing lyrical ..(perhaps..u might think..that i have run out of things to write abt ..if i go on like this..i assure u i did want to write abt my lenses:P)
Finicky and fastidious ,they remain my best friends..
Viva mes contacts....

Pre-school Pangs

2005-06-01T15:05:00.000+10:00

I never would rue the day i sent my kid the first time to pre-school,or rather play school.Though i had to spend a considerable amount for my freedom,blissful though short-lived from the never-ending duties of motherhood,which i do cheerfully,relishing every minute of it..but in the end,u r only human..u do need some time for urself..if atleast to take a long breath or let out a long-suppressed sigh!!Hasty words...i finally had to admit defeat...her's the reason why..
On the very first day,I took my sweet kid(god knows why she was unbearably sweet and obedient that day!)to the play shool,complete with her paraphernalia,neatly labelled and packed.She was very happy,didn't even grant me a second glance or goodbye..(rather seemed relieved to get rid of this overbearing mom or so i think,in my despodence).I walked back with a heavy heart to my empty house,devoid of ringing laughter or boisterous play(too overly fond of a rowdy toddler,amn't i?!?!).Deciding to refresh myself with solitude and a cup of hot tea(now,that's another story-i never have hot tea..hot drinks r for cool gals..those who plan everything ,even babies not ever for hassled mums who constantly have to be on their feet,looking after more important things than a cooling cup made ages before...i get so frustrated after everything that i have become accustomed to cold mugs and now am rather averse to hot cups!!!!that was a long tea-story,sorry!).U would think I would be happy and would find things to do that r not normally done when SHE'S home..like a long stretch in the spa,a vigorous workout at the gym,window-shopping,TV programmes that R NOT cartoons,etc(like I did myself!)but actually I was counting the hours impatiently,just waiting to get my 15 kilo hurricane back home.I kept worrying constantly...any mom's disastrous imaginings..what if she got hurt,what if some kid pushed her(that's rather hard to imagine as i know,in my deepest heart,that she will be the first one to push an scrawny kid away..but u don't admit this in print!!),what if she didn't know how to ask for anything..etc etc..and was actually searching for bruises on her small body after leading her crying(she didn't want to leave her friends and teacher!!)and flailing(i subdued that by strapping her to her pram firmly!).
Now,that this happenend every day i sent her to playschool and that she never was happier to see me leave and never sadder to see me come to pick her up(does two and a half years of unselfish mothering matter nothing?)and that i never did enjoy my freedom or that i never had a cup of hot tea r rather inconsequential matters.Actually both of us settled fairly well into our routine till one day the Thing happened!
As usual,I trudged along wearily in the afternoon sun to do an unenviable task..and reached her room.Frankly,I could not recognize her..muddy(her new off white coat streaked with new patterns..i gradually came to recognize as mud),grimy(really,she had black fingernails),grubby(face and hands) and all the other adjectives normally associated with 'DIRTY'.My mother's heart smiled when the teacher said that she had been having a very good time at the playground but I really was silently screaming(NO..NO..NO)at hte very thought of washing and cleaning up this little devil which hardly bore any resemblance to the cherub,squeeky clean angel of the morning!
But still,I have to admit it is fun being with ur kid,she opens a lot of doors when they have formerly been closed or didnt even know they existed inside u...it is like being in a constant paradox...(even as i write this when she is asleep!!)
Thanks for bearing up with my motherly overtones..

A Pallid Paean to Love

2005-05-09T14:09:00.000+10:00

Standing by the acropolis of my dreams one starry night...
Waves of sleepy strength enveloped me like a cloak...my feet as if caught in barnacles dragged me into the depths of the unknown...
I passed through a long corridor..of Dreams..
Dreams of wisdom for the taking...Dreams of power to summon at will..
Dreams of endless mirth...of incessant happiness..
Dreams of morbid despair..shards of molten fear....
Drunken as i was with the hilarity of such power in my hands...i fell deeper and deeper..into the abyss of soul-searching
Soul-drowning as a trappen porpoise among the kelp.
I broke free..with what strength I know naught then..
with vast,ecstasticsobbing...a thunderclap of pleasure at having devoured terror and pain...
And seeked to question with all th possible intellect of a lesser soul....
The source of my deliverance.....
It's because thou lovest...said me simply..
..

Musings on track

2005-05-09T13:18:00.000+10:00

Each time I travel by train,the journey never ceases to amaze me....myriad sights and sounds..mass of humanity going about in mundane tasks..
A time to lay back and relax..letting the mind drift along backward ..following the trail of trees and posts...speeding by as does the grains of Time itself..speeding by as Life itself..
Retrospective and contemplative...
Just living for the moment..
Terrain of meditation and philosophical leanings..
Gently rocking...Melody and Rhythm..lulling one to the conscious level of a newborn..just wondering at all that is around..
And as sudden a break to normal routine..
To Mayhem and chaos..
To drudgery and burden...
To Life.